Friday, December 28, 2012

Thoughts

Bruce and I spent last weekend in Arizona with my extended family. My parents flew directly there from Virginia, I drove down in stages by myself, and Bruce flew in on Thursday. We all drove back together on Sunday in time for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my parents and siblings. While we were in Arizona, my aunts threw me a baby shower and I now have a nice little stash of baby things set aside for June. It was so fun to just visit with my family. I have never been to one of the family showers because I live out of state, so it was a special experience for my mom and me to be there.

Bruce and I also spent some time scanning old pictures from my grandpa's collection. I'm hoping to print and frame some of them so that our children will have a visual of their ancestors.

One of the highlights of our trip was being able to see my dad's younger brother Richard who is very sick with cancer. We don't know how things are going to go in the next few weeks or months and so we were very grateful to be able to spend an hour or so with him at the ER. He looked amazing (he's only 51 and has been in great physical shape up until this cancer diagnosis earlier this year) ... it's hard to believe that he is so sick when he looked so well.

It's hard to watch my dad preparing to say good-bye to another brother (my dad's brother Steve passed three years ago). Even though I know death is inevitable, it still feels unnatural and just wrong every time. One would think that with all of the generations that have past we would get used to this conclusion, but I think we must feel instinctively that we are all of us older and more lasting than a mere mortal existence. Death just seems to go against all that should be.

And I believe that it does. I believe that death has and will be conquered for everyone. That is the universal gift from a heavenly father who loves us all. God is not a respecter of persons and I know that there is healing and life ahead.
Mild, he lays his glory by
Born that man no more may die 
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth 
Hark! The herald angels sing: 
Glory to the new born king! 
"Oh, death, where is thy sting, oh, grave, where is thy victory?"

More on this here and here.
  

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

2nd Prenatal Appointment Report

Bruce and I went to our second prenatal appointment today. I'm at about 14 weeks (early 2nd trimester) and we got to hear our baby's heart beat for the first time! I think our doctor forgot that he said he would do an ultrasound and since I didn't really mind I didn't remind him. Hearing the heart beat was good enough for me! (btw, for those interested, I'm including some 'stats' at the foot of this post: most of which would have meant nothing to me before I was pregnant, of course. ha.)

Happily, the doctor said everything is GREAT. My weight gain, blood pressure, sugar and protein levels, etc. are all totally normal / clear / good. It is so wonderful to have modern medicine to measure these things. I can't actually feel the baby yet, so it's extremely comforting to have other ways to monitor that the baby is alive and well. There are so many steps along the way where things could go wrong that I just feel incredibly grateful every time I receive any kind of confirmation that things are well.

We scheduled our next ultrasound (which is when we will find out baby's gender!) for Wednesday, January 16th. I'll definitely post something here to let my very loyal readers know. In the meantime, Bruce has christened the baby "Squirt" so that we aren't always referring to the baby as 'it.' Having a nickname has definitely helped us feel that this is a very real person who will be joining our family soon. It is still so bizarre to consider that some day we will know this person so well, yet right now we have no idea 'who' he or she is! 

Sometimes I feel really overwhelmed thinking about all of the changes that are and will continue to happen with having a baby. Okay, often! At other times life just seems completely normal and perhaps this pregnancy is just something I've made up in my head. But every now and then we get a glimpse of glory - what an amazing thing it is that my body can do this and that this baby will be a person who will grow to be an individual personality just like each of us.

As for morning sickness, I'm starting to feel a LOT better. I still have to make sure I'm eating regularly or I can get quite sick, but overall my energy is increasing and my food aversions are dwindling. I actually had a protein shake today for the first time in months! So great! My goal now is to focus on eating more nutritiously - more like what I was before my pregnancy symptoms started - and to get back into my exercise routine. Hooray for the promised land AKA 2nd trimester!

2nd Prenatal Appointment Stats:
my weight gain last month: 3.5 lbs
my blood pressure: 118/82
my uterus: 16 cm
baby's heart rate: 162 bpm



Sunday, December 16, 2012

Quote of the Day

You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him find it within himself.

Galileo

Friday, December 07, 2012

Thoughts

In emailing my friend Mark today I remembered this story of his family. Mark was my home teacher for a while when he lived here (he has since moved) and is someone I enjoy spending time with and admire very much. He is also one of my adopted cousins since he shares my married name :)

My heart is tender thinking of his family and the trials they have gone through. Their faith inspires me deeply.

Here are a few quotes from the story I linked to above that seem appropriate especially as Christmas Day approaches:


...We laugh, we cry, we work, we play, we love, we live. And then we die. Death is our universal heritage. All must pass its portals. Death claims the aged, the weary and worn. It visits the youth in the bloom of hope and the glory of expectation. Nor are little children kept beyond its grasp. In the words of the Apostle Paul, “It is appointed unto men once to die.” 12And dead we would remain but for one Man and His mission, even Jesus of Nazareth. Born in a stable, cradled in a manger, His birth fulfilled the inspired pronouncements of many prophets. He was taught from on high. He provided the life, the light, and the way.
The simple pronouncement, “He is not here, but is risen,” was the first confirmation of the literal Resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The empty tomb that first Easter morning brought comforting assurance, an affirmative answer to Job’s question, “If a man die, shall he live again?” 19To all who have lost loved ones, we would turn Job’s question to an answer: If a man die, he shall live again. We know, for we have the light of revealed truth. “I am the resurrection, and the life,” spoke the Master. “He that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.” 20Through tears and trials, through fears and sorrows, through the heartache and loneliness of losing loved ones, there is assurance that life is everlasting. Our Lord and Savior is the living witness that such is so. 
Thomas Monson 


Thursday, November 29, 2012

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

This week Bruce and I put up Christmas lights. Our Christmas tree has a crooked star a la Dr. Seuss but I kind of like it.

The last few weeks have been touch and go with nausea but mostly I try not to give up. Yesterday I went to the temple and made dinner. Today was less productive but my goal is to make dinner again. I find that if I do things in stages things are more likely to happen. (11am dice celery. Take nap. 1pm Buy tomatoes. Take nap. 3pm dice tomatoes... You get the idea...)

Tonight Bruce and I are going on a date to the Stanford Cantor Arts center to see "video quartet" ... An exhibit I fell in love with when it first premiered at sfmoma several years ago. I can't wait!


Monday, November 26, 2012

Great expectations

Bruce and I are expecting a baby in mid-June of next year. I feel pretty good, especially since I started a vitamin b6 / unisom regimen last week. We found out about the pregnancy the same week I achieved my 20 pound weight loss milestone, so it was a big week :)

We are really happy about the pregnancy. Our baby will have 4 cousins within 6 months of its birthday.  In fact, Bruce has a sister and an aunt due the same week that I am.

We expect that we'll find out whether the baby is a boy or girl sometime in the beginning of the new year. Stay tuned!

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Happiness, or "human flourishing"

I've been reading two books on happiness lately and am enjoying both of them.
The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

I actually have already read the latter, but I enjoyed it so much I bought it recently. The former is a book from Bruce's book club so we've been reading it together.

I like that both books are very tactical and pragmatic. For instance, in The Happiness Advantage, we learn several proven activities that increase happiness, which are as follows (not a complete list):
1. Meditate daily
2. Always have something to look forward to
3. Perform 5 conscious (premeditated) acts of kindness daily
4. Spend 20 minutes outside in good weather (daily if possible)
5. Exercise
6. Spend money on experiences and gifts
7. Spend time with dogs (and other animals)

There are also several flavors of happiness. These can include:
Inspiration
Awe
Gratitude
Love
Joy
Serenity
Interest
Hope
Pride
Amusement

Basically, the goal is to have pleasure+engagement+meaning. We need to be contributing and creating with purpose. Also some pleasure must be derived to prevent burn out.

Friday, November 09, 2012

Post-Election Non-Political Thoughts

I am so glad the 2012 presidential election is over.  Perhaps not quite as relieved as I was when the 2008 election ended. At that time proposition 8 was on the ballot in California and I think I can safely say it was the most stressful time of my life. That being the case, I am grateful I experienced it as it forced me to acknowledge how things are a'changing in the world.

For one, I really do believe that the time of (relative) popularity for Mormons is past. I think Mormons have always been ridiculed a bit, don't get me wrong. When I first moved to California in high school, for instance, I definitely got jokes about "how many moms did I have?" etc. etc. However, when Mormons / Mormonism is discussed in the media, whatever the stance of an article's author, there is a lot of venom in the comments. There is also very real hurt in some of them (from former Mormons). I find it so painful to read them and I know it is useless to engage. These attitudes are becoming more common and I think that trend will continue.

And so Fall 2008 was when it occurred to me that I could no longer expect to be understood or, in some cases, respected, by my community and that I probably could never expect it again. I felt so isolated and discouraged by this idea. Like everyone else, I like to be understood, valued, and respected, and when I'm with individuals in person I am almost always accorded respect. But even at a friend's barbecue this last weekend I met with a polygamist joke in poor taste. The person could not have known I was a Mormon, I know it wasn't mean spirited at all, and yet...

When I think of the word persecution I think of stoning, mobs, tar & feathers; but I suppose the more modern, civilized society uses snarky and snide comments to achieve a similar end. I truly don't struggle with paying tithes, abstaining from alcohol, dressing modestly, etc. but I'll admit it is often hard to read cruel and demeaning comments on the Internet so full of contempt and willful misunderstanding.

Which brings me to the second truth I learned in Fall 2008. Not only do I need to get used to this reality, but it's an opportunity and an expectation from God that I submit and try to forgive these attitudes (while recognizing that I can't change them).
Let us here observe, that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation; for, from the first existence of man, the faith necessary unto the enjoyment of life and salvation never could be obtained without the sacrifice of all earthly things. It was through this sacrifice, and this only, that God has ordained that men should enjoy eternal life; and it is through the medium of the sacrifice of all earthly things that men do actually know that they are doing the things that are well pleasing in the sight of God. When a man has offered in sacrifice all that he has for the truth's sake, not even withholding his life, and believing before God that he has been called to make this sacrifice because he seeks to do his will, he does know, most assuredly, that God does and will accept his sacrifice and offering, and that he has not, nor will not seek his face in vain. Under these circumstances, then, he can obtain the faith necessary for him to lay hold on eternal life. (Joseph Smith, Lectures on Faith 6:7)
I can attest that the above is true within the small range of experience I have had. It was horribly painful for me to participate in the campaigning of proposition 8 for so many reasons. However, the intensity of that sacrifice did increase my faith.

I hope that I can have the strength to face the hard times ahead with courage and grace. To be kind and forgiving of others even while I am mocked and the things I hold sacred ridiculed. I am grateful for the MANY loyal friends I have who are not of my faith. Who, whatever their private opinions of my faith, treat me with respect and dignity. I have so many friends with that quality of character and I hope I never take them for granted! If you're reading this blog--know that I appreciate you!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

2nd Anniversary & Disneyland

Happy anniversary to us! We celebrated 2 years last Tuesday and then promptly went to Disneyland the next day! I put a lot of pictures up on instagram you can find them with my username superawesomekt

Now that I am a full-time housewife, I am in charge of getting us ready for trips. It's really fun, actually, to do the laundry, packing, plan our food, etc. I spent Wednesday morning doing some final preparation (including some essential shopping at Banana Republic, of course!) and then picked up Bruce from work and away we went!

We arrived in good time in Anaheim (around 8:30pm) and we met up with Bruce's aunts and grandma in Disneyland the next day. Bruce and I wore our mouse ears faithfully and I had the corn dog I've been craving since 2009. Sadly, Indiana Jones was closed, but I went on every single ride I wanted to go on (with the exception of It's a Small World)

Disneyland at Halloween isn't nearly as cool as Disneyland at Christmas, but the weather was definitely better than our last trip (December 30th-ish - lots of cold rain + keds = misery for kt). We had so much fun with Bruce's family and also got to check out California Adventure for the first time. That being said, three days was perfect, and I wouldn't have wanted to spend any more time there :)

Highlights:

  • Soarin' over California
  • Riding Thunder Mountain Railroad at night
  • Radiator Spring Racing (new Cars ride at California Adventure)
  • Watching the World of Color (new light/water show at California Adventure)
  • Corn Dogs
  • High-fiving Easton (2 years old) about 20 times after he 'flew' the rockets in Tommorowland
  • Bruce pushing me in a wheelchair for 2/3 days so that my feet didn't die

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

On my wedding anniversary

Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me.

Carl Sandburg

Sunday, October 07, 2012

Great talk

http://www.lds.org/liahona/2001/07/first-things-first

"First Things First" by Elder Richard G. Scott

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Quote of the Day

Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right.

Ezra Taft Benson

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

What's been going on around these parts

Friday of last week was my last day of work. I turned in my laptop, got my final paycheck, and cleaned out my cubicle. My coworker Biju was kind enough to walk me to my car, but I admit that things like that make me a little weepy. It was good luck for everyone that I didn't start crying until I was alone in my car ;-)

In spite of such sentimentality and immediately spilling a shake on the carpet when I got home (which, as a friend pointed out, is frustrating because not only do you have to clean up a mess, but you're still hungry!), I felt great peace and was happy to go celebrate with Bruce that evening. Bruce found out on Friday that he had received a manager nominated bonus, so we felt we had a double celebration!

We went to Calafia Cafe in Palo Alto, which is my new favorite restaurant. It was founded by employee #58 / former executive chef at Google. Everything I've had there so far is delicious. mmm I think we will be going back on our anniversary...

It is such a blessing that Bruce is able to provide for us and that I don't have to continue working. I'm so grateful that he has such a fantastic job and that he loves it. Google is such a generous employer and we thank the Lord for that often. We are not fabulously wealthy or anything, but we feel that we are taken care of and that is a great feeling.

The other night we got a mailer with some local community class descriptions and Bruce started reading some of them aloud to me while I cooked dinner, suggesting that I register for some of them. It just warmed my heart that he is so committed to my happiness. He really is my best friend. (Okay, so one of the classes he was promoting was neck and back massage, so it wasn't entirely selfless... hehe...Unfortunately for him, I forgot to register for that class...)

Other than "The Magic of Watercolor" and "Thanksgiving Dinner" (the two classes I've registered for so far), I don't know a lot about what's in my future. It feels strange and is unlike me to not have a plan, but I know that I will learn a lot from taking this step and letting life unfold.

Sunday, September 09, 2012

#8: Go Rock Climbing





Bruce and I went to Idaho a few weekends ago to visit my cute sister-in-law and her new husband. She found super cheap tickets on Allegiant for us, so we went!

We had a great trip! We arrived on Friday and departed on Monday (barely... we had an 8 hour delay).




On Saturday we visited Bruce's maternal grandparents in Pocatello, went by the old family homestead in Shelley, and went to Ririe reservoir to do a little outdoor rock climbing!

I was very excited as this has been on my bucket list, but also nervous as it was my first time indoor or outdoor. It took some coaching but I did it!


Wednesday, September 05, 2012

10 Rules for Behavior (Thomas Jefferson)


  1. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today
  2. Never trouble another for what you can do yourself
  3. Never spend your money before you have it
  4. Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will not be dear to you
  5. Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst, and cold
  6. We never repent of having eaten too little
  7. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly
  8. How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened
  9. Take things always by the smooth handle
  10. When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred
source here.

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Quote of the Day

Conversion means to overcome the tendencies to criticize and to strive continually to improve inward weaknesses and not merely outward appearances.

Harold B. Lee

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Quote of the Day

No lasting great personal heights are ever reached by those who step on others to try to push themselves upward.

Marvin J. Ashton

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Quote of the Day

It is not the critic who counts; not the one who points out how the strong man stumbles or how the doer of great deeds might have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause who if he wins knows the triumph of great achievement; and who if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Quote of the Day

The most important part of planning should be done on your knees.

Ezra Taft Benson

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Quote of the Day

God didn't say that a woman was to be taken from a bone in the man's head that she should rule over him, nor from a bone in his foot that she should be trampled under his feet, but from the bone in his side, to be his companion, his equal, and his helpmeet in all their lives together.

George Albert Smith

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Our trip to San Diego & #63: Go Kayaking

On Independence Day this year Bruce and I drove down to San Diego for his old roommate Brian's wedding. Since Bruce had never been to San Diego before (outside of the airport) we decided to make it a mini-vacation.

We stayed in Ladera Ranch on Wednesday night with our friends Jeff and Meredith. We saw some of the best fireworks I've seen in recent years at the show their HOA put on. We reclined on blankets and watched fireworks overhead - just like the shows I went to as a kid at my grandpa Jack's house. I felt nostalgic and happy and Jeff's and Meredith's little boy Jude is so charming and curly-headed. Bruce and I both love him.

Thursday morning we finished the drive to San Diego and went for a barefoot hike at Torrey Pines. We played on the beach all morning: finding crabs, collecting cool shells for my nephews, and playing in the surf.

We crashed in our hotel in the afternoon. It wasn't until I went to Trader Joe's that I saw that we were directly across the freeway from the LDS temple!

My cousin Liz and her husband Dave hosted us for dinner at their home. We saw them about a year ago when we went to Mesa, but they have a new baby Fritz (Frederick Russell), so it was fun to meet him and admire how big their oldest, William, is getting. William and I played chase in the back yard and also played in his sand box (shaped like a giant red crab). We shared our addiction to chocolate covered sunflower seeds with them. It's my favorite host/hostess gift these days.

Friday we woke up early to go to breakfast (forgettable place, but right on the water, which is cool), and then went sea kayaking at La Jolla coves and shores. It was my first time and I love, love, loved it! I can't wait to kayak again! We were gone for a few hours, did a little snorkeling (except for Bruce - the mask couldn't suction to his face because of his beard. oops...). Tropical snorkeling is way cooler, so he didn't miss out on much, but I loved swimming in the caves and seeing bright orange fish. I also spotted a jellyfish just before a group of people swam into it, so pretty much I saved the day!

We then went to Con Pane at Liberty Station which was fantastic! We bought tons of bread and ate delicious sandwiches and got a cinnamon roll to go. I think our favorite loaf was the rosemary bread.

That evening was the reception for our friend Brian and his new wife Silvia. We reunited with old friends - many unexpectedly - and ate great food.

That night we went to see my other cousin who lives in San Diego (Del Mar). Bruce hadn't met this cousin and his family (I have 100+ first cousins, so that's not too surprising...) and we loved visiting with them.

Saturday we drove home after going to the San Diego temple to perform some sealings. We stopped in north LA (canyon country) to meet our friend / adopted cousin Benj's son Soren (also adorable) and to give Benj and his wife Meg hugs.

A great trip! I'm only sorry we didn't eat more Mexican food :)

#10: Donate to Locks of Love

On Wednesday I went to get my annual haircut and Sheri, who has cut my hair for 15 years, said my hair was long enough to donate to locks of love. Soooo we chopped it and I surprised Bruce :)


Thursday, June 14, 2012

May and June 2012

So Bruce and I have been super busy so far this spring / summer! We went camping three times in May (with our church, with my sister's family to Yosemite, and just us in Big Sur). We had a great time! And just when we thought we would be having a low key Memorial Day my work threw a last minute request at me to go to London (!!!). They even offered to fly Bruce out and pay for his expenses, too. Clearly this was an offer we couldn't refuse, so we went early and enjoyed 3 days in Paris before spending 4 days in London.

So I guess my attempt to quit my job wasn't really very effective, was it? :) It's been nice to have more time to myself and I don't mind transitioning slowly out of working. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I keep working through the end of the year or even longer. We'll see!

This week I hosted a baby shower & Bruce just finished a major deadline at work (hooray!). Next week we're off to a girls / youth camp for our church (I'll be gone all week, Bruce will come for 2 days). After that I think I may be done camping for awhile...


Friday, June 08, 2012

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

I'm in the midst of reading this book and I want to mark several passages so that I can remember them. Hopefully some of you will like them as much as I do.


The following passages highlight Frankl's conclusions on finding meaning in life:
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. (page 75)
An active life serves the purpose of giving man the opportunity to realize values in creative work, while a passive life of enjoyment affords him the opportunity to obtain fulfillment in experiencing beauty, art, or nature. But there is also purpose in that life which is almost barren of both creation and enjoyment and which admits of but one possibility of high moral behavior: namely, in man's attitude to his existence, an existence restricted by external forces. A creative life and a life of enjoyment are banned to him. But not only his creativeness and enjoyment are meaningful. If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life cannot be complete. (page 76)
I once read a letter written by a young invalid, in which he told a friend that he had just found he would not live for long, that even an operation would be of no help. He wrote further that he remembered a film he had seen in which a man was portrayed who waited for death in a courageous and dignified way. The boy had thought it a great accomplishment to meet death so well. Now—he wrote—fate was offering him a similar chance. (page 77) 
Details of a particular man's inner greatness may ... come to [your] mind*, like the story of the young woman whose death I witnessed in a concentration camp. It is a simple story. There is little to tell and it may sound as if I had invented it: but to me it seems like a poem.
This young woman knew that she would die in the next few days. But when I talked to her she was cheerful in spite of this knowledge. "I am grateful that fate has hit me so hard," she told me. "In my former life I was spoiled and did not take spiritual accomplishments seriously." Pointing through the window of the hut, she said, "This tree here is the only friend I have in my loneliness." Through that window she could see just one branch of a chestnut tree, and on the branch were two blossoms. "I often talk to this tree," she said to me. I was startled and didn't quite know how to take her words. Was she delirious? Did she have occasional hallucinations? Anxiously I asked her if the tree replied. "Yes." What did it say to her? She answered, "It said to me, 'I am here—I am here—I am life, eternal life.'" 
 *One that comes to my mind is my dear friend Kate who faced long months of pain with dignity and faith until her eventual death.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I read this on the wall of my therapist's office in November

What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, remembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known because not looked for 
But heard, half heard, in the stillness
Between the two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always
A condition of complete simplicity
(costing not less than everything)

T.S. Eliot

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Meditation #17 By John Donne From Devotions upon Emergent Occasions (1623), XVII



[My brother, who always skips my long poem / blog posts, actually read this to me aloud yesterday. :) ]

Nunc Lento Sonitu Dicunt, Morieris (Now this bell, tolling softly for another, says to me, Thou must die.)

Perchance, he for whom this bell tolls may be so ill, as that he knows not it tolls for him; and perchance I may think myself so much better than I am, as that they who are about me, and see my state, may have caused it to toll for me, and I know not that. The church is catholic, universal, so are all her actions; all that she does belongs to all. When she baptizes a child, that action concerns me; for that child is thereby connected to that body which is my head too, and ingrafted into that body whereof I am a member. And when she buries a man, that action concerns me: all mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated; God employs several translators; some pieces are translated by age, some by sickness, some by war, some by justice; but God's hand is in every translation, and his hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again for that library where every book shall lie open to one another. As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come, so this bell calls us all; but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness.
There was a contention as far as a suit (in which both piety and dignity, religion and estimation, were mingled), which of the religious orders should ring to prayers first in the morning; and it was determined, that they should ring first that rose earliest. If we understand aright the dignity of this bell that tolls for our evening prayer, we would be glad to make it ours by rising early, in that application, that it might be ours as well as his, whose indeed it is.
The bell doth toll for him that thinks it doth; and though it intermit again, yet from that minute that this occasion wrought upon him, he is united to God. Who casts not up his eye to the sun when it rises? but who takes off his eye from a comet when that breaks out? Who bends not his ear to any bell which upon any occasion rings? but who can remove it from that bell which is passing a piece of himself out of this world?
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
Neither can we call this a begging of misery, or a borrowing of misery, as though we were not miserable enough of ourselves, but must fetch in more from the next house, in taking upon us the misery of our neighbours. Truly it were an excusable covetousness if we did, for affliction is a treasure, and scarce any man hath enough of it. No man hath affliction enough that is not matured and ripened by it, and made fit for God by that affliction. If a man carry treasure in bullion, or in a wedge of gold, and have none coined into current money, his treasure will not defray him as he travels. Tribulation is treasure in the nature of it, but it is not current money in the use of it, except we get nearer and nearer our home, heaven, by it. Another man may be sick too, and sick to death, and this affliction may lie in his bowels, as gold in a mine, and be of no use to him; but this bell, that tells me of his affliction, digs out and applies that gold to me: if by this consideration of another's danger I take mine own into contemplation, and so secure myself, by making my recourse to my God, who is our only security.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Quote of the Day

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.


Peter Ustinov

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Carmel-by-the-Sea and San Francisco

Lupines on the beach
Yesterday I went with my friend Jess to Carmel and the 17-Mile Drive. It is one of my favorite places to visit and the weather was perfect (high 60s, sunny). My friend Jess is moving soon to Idaho, so it was just great to spend time just the two of us. You can see her post on the day here.

Bruce and I spent my birthday in Monterey and Carmel last year and I used to go often with my parents when I was in high school and during summers home from college. I have great memories of springs and summers down there, but one thing I don't remember seeing before was lupines--and they were everywhere!
Cottage of Sweets in downtown Carmel

We grabbed lunch at Pebble Beach, bought some candy at Cottage of Sweets and walked on the beach in downtown Carmel.

Later in the evening I drove up to San Francisco where a very dear friend from high school treated me to dinner in the Marina. We ate at Bistro Aix where I got a pork chop with risotto and english peas - oh my, it was delicious! We talked for over 3 hours :) It's amazing to see where life has taken us in the 15 years that have passed since we first met in chemistry class in 1998. It's both scary and exciting to imagine what more will pass in the next 15 years...

I'm grateful for living in the beautiful bay area and for wonderful friends that I have met here.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Quote of the Day

A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.
Carl Sandburg

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

What we did (last week)

  • I got a fever on Monday & tonsillitis on Tuesday
  • I finished my last 2 days of full-time work on those same days :)
  • We both flew to Portland Wednesday morning
  • 5 hours after our descent my right ear finally popped
  • We visited my in-laws--had a fantastic time with them, as usual!
  • Bruce worked from the secret Portland Google Office
  • Thursday I took the bus into downtown Portland and blissed out at Powell's, Anthropologie, Nordstrom Rack J. Crew, and a new find: Joe's Burgers! Their PB cup milkshake was amazing and the service staff made my day! Also, how much do I love that Oregon has no (0) sales tax!? So much.
  • (Also on Thursday) we met a very shy chocolate lab puppy named Truffles!
  • Friday Bruce took me to an urgent care clinic -- I got a Z-Pack (antibiotics) and started feeling better almost immediately
  • Saturday we went out to breakfast with my brother-in-law David and his wife Amanda before going to my sister-in-law Kristy's wedding (some pics on Amanda's blog here) at the Portland temple. The ceremony was simple and tender and we are so excited that Kristy and Josh are married
  • The sun came out on Saturday for the wedding -- it was beautiful! My In-Laws had planted beautiful spring flowers all around their home and the flowers done by my sister-in-law Shanna were the best I've ever seen at a wedding. Kristy's bouquet was especially beautiful. Did I mention I loved the flowers?
  • Sunday I ate a gazillion orange rolls and then we flew home.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

On my last day of full-time employment

Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.

Carl Sandburg

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Stress Buster #12

Eliminate (or restrict) the amount of caffeine in your diet.
A few years ago I found out that I have a physical condition that is aggravated and triggered by caffeine. Whereas many principles of my diet are up to me to see how I react / feel, the doctor was adamant about caffeine (and alcohol, incidentally). I am very grateful for revelation and a health code that has minimized the impacts of the condition and which has made it easy to follow my doctor's direction.


Elder Marion D. Hanks:
"The Word of Wisdom teaches us a great principle and makes a promise. The principle is that everything good God has provided for us we should use with thanksgiving and good judgment, with prudence and not to excess. Everything that is not good for us we should leave alone. The promise is that if we obey this principle we will be better off in every way: in health, in knowledge and wisdom, and in wonderful spiritual blessings.
"We know now through evidence that cannot be questioned, that alcohol and tobacco and caffeine are not good for the body. We know that they are destructive and harmful. We know much about the importance of the proper food to eat and about moderation in diet. These facts were not available to Joseph Smith except through revelation received from our Heavenly Father. That is how he received them, and we need to remember that, when we thank the Lord for wonderful blessings we have received through prophets from God."

Monday, March 26, 2012

Update

  • Starting my last full week of work. I quit my job and my last day is Tuesday, April 3rd. I'll be working part-time (maybe?) for a few months before transitioning to my career as a full-time housewife.
  • (nope, not pregnant)
  • Going to Portland next week for Bruce's sister's wedding (!!!)
  • Going to girls' camp in June. I'll be a 2nd Year Certification Leader.
  • Campaigning to get Bruce to come for two days -- it's not working so far.
  • My sweet peas are just starting to pop up out of the soil. So exciting!
It's going to be a busy / long week!

Quote of the Day

There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud.

Carl Sandburg

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Stress Buster #11

Allow 15 minutes of extra time to get to appointments.

Doctrine & Covenants 38:30: If ye are prepared ye shall not fear.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Quote of the Day

"Just pray for a tough hide and a tender heart."
Ruth Graham

Friday, March 16, 2012

Dr. Stu and Match Day

Today is Match Day and we finally found out where my brother Stu will be doing his medical residency. Can you believe my baby brother is finishing medical school??? This is the boy who would sleep during our high school Spanish class. Yes, of course you should trust him with a scalpel.

Actually, Stuart came back from his mission with quite an internal drive for academics and specifically medicine. I'm so proud of his determination, hard work, and integrity. I know he'll be a wonderful doctor!

AND I am so excited that he and his wife Barb will be coming to the Bay Area! Stuart matched with Kaiser in San Francisco, which is awesome because now all of my four siblings will be in the Bay Area!!! San Francisco is perfect for them, too, because Barb's sister Suz lives in Berkeley.

In other great news: my former roommate Rejia got matched with a residency in San Jose, which means she can live with her husband permanently instead of doing the commuter marriage between Rochester, NY and Palo Alto, CA and my cousin matched with UCLA -- well within driving distance of his family in Arizona.

We couldn't be happier!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

p.s.

I'm pretty sure one of my cyclamen is dead. Trying to decide if I should replace it with something else (geraniums?) or just get another. The other three cyclamen are fine, so I think it just was less hardy.

Also, I got raw goats milk per my cousin's recommendation and it tastes just like regular milk and is way easier on my tummy (not so much on the wallet...). Maybe someday I can have a goat and Bruce can milk it for me. (I kid*! I would have our future children milk it, of course. Builds character and children love goats, right?)

*no pun intended, but kind of hilarious, all the same, yes?

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Spring

A month or so ago Bruce mounted two hanging containers on our porch and I put two red cyclamen plants in each one of them.

Cyclamen

On Saturday, I bought some primroses and ranunculus for some of our regular containers.
Ranunculus - ours are red, bright pink, and light pink
I bought too many primroses so I added some of those to the cyclamen containers. I'll have to get Bruce to take some pictures soon. I love having spring flowers and just wish we had direct sun so we could grow some vegetables. For now it will have to be flowers and herbs.

Primroses

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Stress Buster #9

Plan ahead. Don't let the gas tank get below one-quarter full; keep a
well-stocked "emergency shelf" of home staples; don't wait until you're down to
your last bus token or postage stamp to buy more; etc.
Henry B. Eyring, Spiritual Preparedness: Start Early and Be Steady:
"As my father lay in his bed near death, I asked him if he didn’t think it was a time to repent and pray for forgiveness for any sins that were not yet resolved with God. He probably heard a little hint in my voice that he might fear death and the Judgment. He just chuckled quietly, smiled up at me, and said, 'Oh no, Hal, I’ve been repenting as I went along.'
"Decisions now to exercise faith and be steady in obedience will in time produce great faith and assurance. That is the spiritual preparedness we all will need. And it will qualify us in the moments of crisis to receive the Lord’s promise that 'if ye are prepared ye shall not fear.'
"That will be true when we face the storms of life and the prospect of death. A loving Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son have given us all the help They can to pass the test of life set before us. But we must decide to obey and then do it. We build the faith to pass the tests of obedience over time and through our daily choices. We can decide now to do quickly whatever God asks of us. And we can decide to be steady in the small tests of obedience which build the faith to carry us through the great tests, which will surely come. "

Friday, March 09, 2012

Milk... boo hoo!

So, I am getting confirmation once again that I simply cannot have cereal with milk (in this case 1%) on a daily basis; also I haven't been doing so great with carrageenan in my almond milk and I am not a fan of soy milk, so what do I do when I want to eat Lucky Charms, I ask???

(Also, shouldn't it be the Lucky Charms that makes me sick???? HA!)

Sunday, March 04, 2012

Stress Buster #8

Procrastination is stressful. Whatever you want to do tomorrow, do today; whatever you want to do today, do it now.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Quote of the Day

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life."
Abraham Lincoln

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Stress Buster #7

Be prepared to wait. A paperback can make a wait in a post office line almost pleasant.

Neal A. Maxwell:
Clearly, without patience we will learn less in life. We will see less; we will feel less; we will hear less. Ironically, "rush" and "more" usually mean "less." The pressure of "now," time and time again, go against the grain of the gospel with its eternalism.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Things to accomplish in 2012

From my 100 things, I'm planning to do the following this year:

  • go on a cruise (#16) - I go tomorrow!
  • learn to play the organ using pedals (#45) - I only sort of fake it right now
  • start writing my personal history (#58) - I haven't journaled consistently since high school, so I should start improving my habits here. Bruce has been a great journaler - up until he met married me, of course... oops!
  • start memorizing some poems & scriptures :) (#70 & #55)
I probably will only finish the first one, since the last two are more ongoing efforts and I have a feeling the second one will be, too.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Quote of the Day

Gordon B. Hinckley clipped this from the Wall Street Journal, titled “The Most Creative Job in the World”:

“It involves taste, fashion, decorating, recreation, education, transportation, psychology, romance, cuisine, designing, literature, medicine, handicraft, art, horticulture, economics, government, community relations, pediatrics, geriatrics, entertainment, maintenance, purchasing, direct mail, law, accounting, religion, energy and management. Anyone who can handle all those has to be somebody special. She is. She’s a homemaker.” (3 June 1983.)

via

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Stress Buster #6

Practice preventive maintenance. Your car, appliances, home, and relationships will be less likely to break down/fall apart "at the worst possible moment."

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Stress Buster #5

Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a secret spot in the garden.

Thursday, February 09, 2012

What we have been up to

  • Bruce and I organized & cleaned our entire bedroom last night. It's starting to look really good!
  • One of the Christmas cards we received was a print of a piece (painted by our friend) that I've been wanting for a long time. I got it back from being framed yesterday and it looks gorgeous! I'll try to take a picture soon.
  • My cruise is in 2 weeks. Bruce is going to Austin to visit some friends while I'm gone.
  • I'm sick for the third time in 4 weeks. I thought I had been sleeping & taking care of myself, but my clients tell me differently. How would they know? I'm serious. Also, I did get a flu shot, so it's just head colds & what-not, so not a huge deal except that I am on the phone a lot so it's hard on my voice.
  • My work computer crashed at noon and I still can't get it to start up. I'm trying to work from our mac, but all of my files & bookmarks are on my pc. Maybe I should give up =)
I think I'm going to go get some pho now.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

The Butternut Tree at Fort Juniper by Jack Gilbert

I called the tree a butternut (which I don't think
it is) so I could talk about how different
the trees are around me here in the rain.
It reminds me how mutable language is. Keats
would leave blank places in his drafts to hold on
to his passion, spaces for the right words to come.
We use them sideways. The way we automatically
add bits of shape to hold on to the dissolving dreams.
So many of the words are for meanwhile. We say,
"I love you" while we search for language
that can be heard. Which allows us to talk
about how the aspens over there tremble
in the smallest shower, while the tree over by
the window here gathers the raindrops and lets them
go in bunches. The way my heart carols sometimes,
and other times yearns. Sometimes is quiet
and other times is powerfully quiet.

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Stress Buster #4

Do nothing you have to lie about later.
John 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Sweet Nothings

I just have to document this because it made me so happy and I don't want to forget these little moments.

Monday - I dropped off my older nephew from school at a friend's house. I went in the back room to interrupt my younger nephew Tommy (2 1/2) at play to get a quick hug. I said, 'Tommy, can you come give me a hug?' His head popped out of the play house he was in and he said 'Of course!' before running over to me to give me a sweet hug and kiss.

Wednesday (today) - I went to my parents' house to use their phone (since I had forgotten mine). I walked in and Tommy ran up the stairs immediately to me. His mom said, 'well, that's the first time today he's been excited about anything!' He gave me a big hug and asked me 'where's Bruce?' I explained Bruce wasn't around and instead of climbing down, he continued to hug me as we walked downstairs. Then he said to me in his little baby voice, 'I've miss'd you so much.' I hadn't quite heard so I asked him what he'd said and he said it again. Oh my! my heart just melted then and there. I love that baby boy!

Surprised by Evening by Robert Bly

There is unknown dust that is near us
Waves breaking on shores just over the hill
Trees full of birds that we have never seen
Nets drawn with dark fish.

The evening arrives; we look up and it is there
It has come through the nets of the stars
Through the tissues of the grass
Walking quietly over the asylums of the waters.

The day shall never end we think:
We have hair that seemed born for the daylight;
But at last the quiet waters of the night will rise
And our skin shall see far off as it does under water.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Stress Buster #3


Don't rely on your memory. Write down appointment times, when to pick up the laundry, when library books are due, etc.

I've gotten worse at this since using Google Calendar, because it's not very well integrated with my iPhone, nor is it integrated with my work calendar. I'm doing better about looking at my Google Calendar, but it is a challenge.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Stress Buster #2

Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set the breakfast table, make lunches, put out the clothes you plan to wear, etc.

I do this on the days I go to the office (as opposed to the days I work from home) and I love it. I lay out my clothes just like I used to do as a kid (for the first day of school, at least). I put everything I need by the door so that I can grab it on my way out (bag, water bottle, computer).

Friday, January 20, 2012

Life after the wedding

One of the reasons I haven't blogged much since Bruce and I got married is that there has been so much change, change that I don't really know how to embrace.

I love being married to Bruce and I love having our own apartment and making our own life together, but almost everything else about getting married and being newly married has been very challenging.

When we were first married, work got very busy and I got a serious case of 'senioritis' - where all I wanted was to quit my job and be a stay at home wife. It felt very strange to want that so strongly, and I was really depressed with having such a discrepancy in what I wanted and what I was doing. Of course, I wasn't really going to quit my job and live off of Bruce's income, but it was what I wanted and so I just felt guilty and frustrated.

Then, I gained a lot of weight after getting married and I was very insecure socially with my old friends from the singles ward as well as new friends I was meeting at church.

Which was the final challenge, really. Even now, Bruce and I haven't really made friends with anyone at church. There are many people I admire and everyone is friendly, but every now and then when I stumble across a blog of someone at church, I see all of these parties & get-togethers with other people in our ward (including members who are newer than we are), and I don't want to be covetous or sad, but I do feel a little left out and lonely. I know we aren't even party people, per se, but it's hard to go from a single ward where everyone is always invited (for the most part) to a family ward where church and social life seem very, very separate.

Things have been getting better. I spoke to a counselor late last year to talk through some of the frustrations I had been having, and that helped a lot. I feel much better about my job and how to draw boundaries so that even if it's busy I don't feel trapped. I am very grateful to have the job that I have, even though I don't *love* it. I have great co-workers, great benefits, and lots of flexibility. My manager acknowledges all of the good work I do and is not overly critical for the mistakes I make. He is very supportive and I couldn't be luckier. The Lord has led me throughout my career to better and better situations and I know He is still with me.

I probably should have expressed this throughout the last year and a half, but I was embarrassed and didn't really know what to write. I didn't really understand the reactions I was having and felt weird that I was so happy being married and yet so sad about the change that was happening. Even when I could count my blessings and knew that my life wasn't 'that hard,' it still felt hard.

One good change coming up: I turn 30 in a few weeks! So crazy, but I'm really excited! It's strange to be getting so old and realize how young I am, too :) haha

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Purist by Ogden Nash

I give you now Professor Twist,
A conscientious scientist,
Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!"
And sent him off to distant jungles.
Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day he missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
"You mean," he said, "a crocodile."

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Stress Buster #1


Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful.

I have this collection of 52 stress busters that I found online at Texas Woman's University and I love them! I am going to post them once a week so that I can think about them and refer to them. Let's be honest, this blog is more for my benefit than for yours. (sorry about that). Also, I really liked this article '9 Reasons to Wake up Early' and am going to study it in addition to stress busters.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

I Am Cherry Alive by Delmore Schwartz

“I am cherry alive,” the little girl sang,
“Each morning I am something new:
I am apple, I am plum, I am just as excited
As the boys who made the Hallowe’en bang:
I am tree, I am cat, I am blossom too:
When I like, if I like, I can be someone new,
Someone very old, a witch in a zoo:
I can be someone else whenever I think who,
And I want to be everything sometimes too:
And the peach has a pit and I know that too,
And I put it in along with everything
To make the grown-ups laugh whenever I sing:
And I sing It is true; it is untrue;
I know, I know, the true is untrue,
The peach has a pit, and the pit has a peach:
And both may be wrong when I sing my song,
But I don’t tell the grown-ups: because it is sad,
And I want them to laugh just like I do
Because they grew up and forgot what they knew
And they are sure I will forget it some day too.
They are wrong. They are wrong. When I sang my song, I knew, I knew!
I am red, I am gold, I am green, I am blue,
I will always be me, I will always be new!”

Sunday, January 08, 2012

Percy (One) by Mary Oliver

Percy

(One)

Our new dog, named for the beloved poet,
ate a book which unfortunately we had
left unguarded.
Fortunately, it was the Bhagavad Gita,
of which many copies are available.
Every day now, as Percy grows
into the beauty of his life, we touch
his wild, curly head and say,

"Oh, wisest of little dogs."