I thought this might be an interesting follow-up to my post on dating. Not related, really, but an interesting concept.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Billy Collins
One of my roommates from when I was at BYU sent me a Christmas present this year. She and I haven't spoken on the phone in years, so I was really touched that she sent this to me out of the blue.
She sent me a book of Billy Collins poetry, and while some of it is a little pretentious, I still found a number of poems I loved (I try not to let myself be biased by a little (or a lot) of pretense).
Here is one that you can sense a bit of it in:
Vade Mecum
I want the scissors to be sharp
and the table to be perfectly level
when you cut me out of my life
and paste me in that book you always carry.
but I still like it. And this one I thought was sweet:
The Dead
The dead are always looking down on us, they say,
while we are putting on our shoes or making a sandwich,
they are looking down through the glass-bottomed boats of heaven
as they row themselves through eternity.
They watch the tops of our heads moving below on earth,
and when we lie down in a field or on a couch,
drugged perhaps by the hum of a warm afternoon,
they think we are looking back at them,
which makes them lift their oars and fall silent
and wait, like parents, for us to close our eyes.
She sent me a book of Billy Collins poetry, and while some of it is a little pretentious, I still found a number of poems I loved (I try not to let myself be biased by a little (or a lot) of pretense).
Here is one that you can sense a bit of it in:
Vade Mecum
I want the scissors to be sharp
and the table to be perfectly level
when you cut me out of my life
and paste me in that book you always carry.
but I still like it. And this one I thought was sweet:
The Dead
The dead are always looking down on us, they say,
while we are putting on our shoes or making a sandwich,
they are looking down through the glass-bottomed boats of heaven
as they row themselves through eternity.
They watch the tops of our heads moving below on earth,
and when we lie down in a field or on a couch,
drugged perhaps by the hum of a warm afternoon,
they think we are looking back at them,
which makes them lift their oars and fall silent
and wait, like parents, for us to close our eyes.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Quote of the Day
I kept as still as I could. Nothing happened. I did not expect anything to happen. I was something that lay under the sun and felt it, like the pumpkins, and I did not want to be anything more. I was entirely happy. Perhaps we feel like that when we die and become a part of something entire, whether it is sun and air, or goodness and knowledge. At any rate, that is happiness; to be dissolved into something complete and great. When it comes to one, it comes as naturally as sleep.
- Willa Cather, "My Antonia"
- Willa Cather, "My Antonia"
My thoughts on dating
In the last month or so I have finally been able to articulate my ideas of some of the key differences in the way men and women operate in dating. I'm posting them here at my roommate's request.
Women
For me, and for many women I know, my interest in specific men is very responsive. Much of my interest is influenced by (a) who spends time with me and invests in getting to know me, as well as (b) who demonstrates attraction / interest in me. The fact is, I may see a man that attracts me significantly, but it is the man who is coming around, who is calling me, who is taking an interest in me specifically, that I am giving my attention to, and who I am considering. I may not have interest initially, but I warm to him as he makes himself a part of my world. In the end, my dealbreakers may surface and the relationship may end, but when a man invests in me and my life, I will almost always start looking at him as a possibility. And so, I would say that for women, the key question is, "Who is in my world?" That is her answer of who she is more likely to develop significant interest in. I do not say that is who she is more likely to date, but it's who SHE, the woman, is more likely to develop attachment to.
What I take from this
A man should not be surprised if the women he spends time with want to date him. Even if up front a woman does not show any interest in him, she will warm to him (how much, how seriously, varies, but she will warm). I know it's not risky for him to hang out with girls platonically, but it is definitely risky for the women. Also, after a breakup, he really does need to remove himself from his ex-girlfriend's world so that she can move on. For women, it means we have to be much more cautious about who we give our time to. We have to recognize that if we don't want to date a man, we really shouldn't give him the time of day. Or, if we decide to give him a chance, we need to recognize and accept that we may change our minds, which I think can be a good thing, too :) And women need to cut the cord with the men they break up with or know it's not going anywhere with. Keeping them in your world is not going to help you find someone else.
Men
Men, on the other hand, have an interesting phenomenon from the very beginning. After a certain amount of exposure (and it doesn't take much), they know definitively whether or not a woman is in their list of "eligible" women to date. And what I mean is, all women are either eligible or ineligible. Ineligible meaning that they are an unequivocable "NO" and that there is nothing that the woman (or the man, for that matter) can do to make her eligible. A woman who is not on the man's list of eligible women, can flirt, can encourage, can even have a brilliant connection with a man, but he will not consider her with serious interest. He may even date her or marry her, but usually he will drop her before she can wear him down to that point. He may even acknowledge to himself that this woman would be a great fit "on paper" - but she is not in the eligible group and so she will never really have a hold on him.
It is important to note that eligibility is not purely driven by appearance. In fact, men cannot really give a rationale for why one woman is and another isn't. They feel very awkward and don't know how to explain it, but they know that it is true. No amount of exposure or bonding with a woman can change her categorization - which women have a particularly hard time understanding, being that we are the complete opposite. Women cannot understand how a man, after getting to know us and being quite intimate with us, can still have absolutely no interest.
However, just because a woman is on the eligible list, it doesn't mean that she is a shoe-in. But it does mean that this is where she can act - with a very good chance of results. When a woman is eligible, it means that she is "datable" - she is someone to whom the man will be responsive, in the way that women are more generally responsive. If she flirts, encourages, banters, and pays attention to him, she is not wasting her time. He may not respond (for a variety of reasons), but she is not wasting her time like she is with a man for whom she is not eligible.
I have noticed that for a man, those (eligible) women who are encouraging and flirting and attentive seem to "rise in the queue" in his mind and interest - they are the ones that he is thinking about and focusing on. So it is key for a woman to be very responsive if she is interested. A woman may be eligible for a man, but if she isn't doing anything, he will end up paying his attention to someone else who is.
What I take from this
To me, this is really a relief - I at least feel like I know what I have control over and what I don't have control over. All I have to do is identify which men I am eligible for, and those are the ones I need to invest in and encourage. I find it very satisfying when I can tell I am of interest to a man (sometimes I have significant interest also, sometimes I don't, but it's always satisfying to know!) and I try to be more philsophical about the men whose list I am not on. I always assume I am not eligible for men who give me no signals. It can be somewhat discouraging if I'm not really feeling like I am on anyone's list, but I find it comforting that at least I am not wasting my time on them.
Also, what this means to me is that it is ridiculous for me to hang out a lot with a man hoping that he will come around and fall for me. If he hasn't already, then it's most likely I am not eligible and never will be. Basically, I am the one at risk because I will probably fall for him as he continues to be in my world - and yet I will never get any results.
So I'm interested to hear what you think - if this rings true to you. It makes sense with my experiences in dating and from what I've observed from my male friends.
Women
For me, and for many women I know, my interest in specific men is very responsive. Much of my interest is influenced by (a) who spends time with me and invests in getting to know me, as well as (b) who demonstrates attraction / interest in me. The fact is, I may see a man that attracts me significantly, but it is the man who is coming around, who is calling me, who is taking an interest in me specifically, that I am giving my attention to, and who I am considering. I may not have interest initially, but I warm to him as he makes himself a part of my world. In the end, my dealbreakers may surface and the relationship may end, but when a man invests in me and my life, I will almost always start looking at him as a possibility. And so, I would say that for women, the key question is, "Who is in my world?" That is her answer of who she is more likely to develop significant interest in. I do not say that is who she is more likely to date, but it's who SHE, the woman, is more likely to develop attachment to.
What I take from this
A man should not be surprised if the women he spends time with want to date him. Even if up front a woman does not show any interest in him, she will warm to him (how much, how seriously, varies, but she will warm). I know it's not risky for him to hang out with girls platonically, but it is definitely risky for the women. Also, after a breakup, he really does need to remove himself from his ex-girlfriend's world so that she can move on. For women, it means we have to be much more cautious about who we give our time to. We have to recognize that if we don't want to date a man, we really shouldn't give him the time of day. Or, if we decide to give him a chance, we need to recognize and accept that we may change our minds, which I think can be a good thing, too :) And women need to cut the cord with the men they break up with or know it's not going anywhere with. Keeping them in your world is not going to help you find someone else.
Men
Men, on the other hand, have an interesting phenomenon from the very beginning. After a certain amount of exposure (and it doesn't take much), they know definitively whether or not a woman is in their list of "eligible" women to date. And what I mean is, all women are either eligible or ineligible. Ineligible meaning that they are an unequivocable "NO" and that there is nothing that the woman (or the man, for that matter) can do to make her eligible. A woman who is not on the man's list of eligible women, can flirt, can encourage, can even have a brilliant connection with a man, but he will not consider her with serious interest. He may even date her or marry her, but usually he will drop her before she can wear him down to that point. He may even acknowledge to himself that this woman would be a great fit "on paper" - but she is not in the eligible group and so she will never really have a hold on him.
It is important to note that eligibility is not purely driven by appearance. In fact, men cannot really give a rationale for why one woman is and another isn't. They feel very awkward and don't know how to explain it, but they know that it is true. No amount of exposure or bonding with a woman can change her categorization - which women have a particularly hard time understanding, being that we are the complete opposite. Women cannot understand how a man, after getting to know us and being quite intimate with us, can still have absolutely no interest.
However, just because a woman is on the eligible list, it doesn't mean that she is a shoe-in. But it does mean that this is where she can act - with a very good chance of results. When a woman is eligible, it means that she is "datable" - she is someone to whom the man will be responsive, in the way that women are more generally responsive. If she flirts, encourages, banters, and pays attention to him, she is not wasting her time. He may not respond (for a variety of reasons), but she is not wasting her time like she is with a man for whom she is not eligible.
I have noticed that for a man, those (eligible) women who are encouraging and flirting and attentive seem to "rise in the queue" in his mind and interest - they are the ones that he is thinking about and focusing on. So it is key for a woman to be very responsive if she is interested. A woman may be eligible for a man, but if she isn't doing anything, he will end up paying his attention to someone else who is.
What I take from this
To me, this is really a relief - I at least feel like I know what I have control over and what I don't have control over. All I have to do is identify which men I am eligible for, and those are the ones I need to invest in and encourage. I find it very satisfying when I can tell I am of interest to a man (sometimes I have significant interest also, sometimes I don't, but it's always satisfying to know!) and I try to be more philsophical about the men whose list I am not on. I always assume I am not eligible for men who give me no signals. It can be somewhat discouraging if I'm not really feeling like I am on anyone's list, but I find it comforting that at least I am not wasting my time on them.
Also, what this means to me is that it is ridiculous for me to hang out a lot with a man hoping that he will come around and fall for me. If he hasn't already, then it's most likely I am not eligible and never will be. Basically, I am the one at risk because I will probably fall for him as he continues to be in my world - and yet I will never get any results.
So I'm interested to hear what you think - if this rings true to you. It makes sense with my experiences in dating and from what I've observed from my male friends.
Friday, January 12, 2007
As honey for sweetness
And [the angel] said unto me, son of man, cause thy belly to eat, and fill thy bowels with this roll that I give thee. Then did I eat it; and it was in my mouth as honey for sweetness. Ezekiel 3:3
What a beautiful image! Before Ezekiel could go preach to Israel, he had to eat of the word of God. He had to study the scriptures. I love the description of the taste - "as honey for sweetness." It reminds me of the tree of life in Lehi's / Nephi's vision. Both the sweetness of the scriptures, as described by Ezekiel, and the sweetness of the tree of life, from Lehi's vision, are sweetened by the only thing that satisfies: the love of God.
We must eat and fill ourselves with the scriptures we have been given. The sweetness of the scriptures will nourish us when we are weary. They will "satisfy thy soul in drought and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not." (Isaiah 58:11)
What a beautiful image! Before Ezekiel could go preach to Israel, he had to eat of the word of God. He had to study the scriptures. I love the description of the taste - "as honey for sweetness." It reminds me of the tree of life in Lehi's / Nephi's vision. Both the sweetness of the scriptures, as described by Ezekiel, and the sweetness of the tree of life, from Lehi's vision, are sweetened by the only thing that satisfies: the love of God.
We must eat and fill ourselves with the scriptures we have been given. The sweetness of the scriptures will nourish us when we are weary. They will "satisfy thy soul in drought and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not." (Isaiah 58:11)
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Improving Our Prayers
Excerpt from this talk by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
6. "Rest in the Lord" (see Ps. 37:7). Sometimes the hardest thing we can do is wait. The Lord has His own timetable, and although it may frustrate us, His timing is always perfect. When we rest in the Lord, we allow Him to work His will for us in His own time and in His own way.
A Pattern for Prayer
In Psalm 37 [Ps. 37] David revealed an inspired process for active prayer and faith. It is a step-by-step process that may serve as a pattern for us to follow as we seek to increase our faith and improve the efficacy of our prayers.
In Psalm 37 [Ps. 37] David revealed an inspired process for active prayer and faith. It is a step-by-step process that may serve as a pattern for us to follow as we seek to increase our faith and improve the efficacy of our prayers.
1."Fret not" (see Ps. 37:1). To fret means to worry or to brood about something. The first thing we must do is stop worrying. When we worry about the future, we create unhappiness in the present. Righteous concern may lead us to take appropriate action, but worrying about things we cannot control can paralyze and demoralize us. Instead of worrying, focus on doing all that you can, and then leave the worrying to your Heavenly Father. If your heart is right with Him, He will take care of the worry and the fear. We must learn to "fret not."
2. "Trust in the Lord" (see Ps. 37:3). Why should we trust in Him? Because He is our loving and all-wise Father in Heaven. Because He is the giver of all good gifts. Because He knows us and wants us to be happy and successful and to return to Him. God is in His heaven. He is perfect. He loves us. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding," we read in the scriptures. "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Prov. 3:5–6).
3. "Do good" (see Ps. 37:3). We do good because we are followers of Christ. We do good because we are members of His church. We do good because we have made solemn covenants to serve as a light unto the world. Our Heavenly Father expects our actions to serve as a living testimony to our words. As we do good, the Lord can bless our efforts. This is not to say that we must never make a mistake, "for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" ( Rom. 3:23). The Lord requires that we seek Him with a humble heart, that we repent of our sins, and that we continue to do the best we can. As we make mistakes, we should learn from them and strive not to repeat them. As we do so, we become ever more Christlike, ever more as men and women of God. As our actions contradict our professions of faith, our prayers become weak. When we do good, the Lord can work through us and magnify our efforts.
4. "Delight thyself also in the Lord" (see Ps. 37:4). What a wonderful doctrine! Instead of worrying or grumbling that our prayers have gone unanswered, we should delight ourselves in the Lord. Be grateful. Be happy. Know that the Lord, in His time, will bring about all your righteous desires—sometimes in ways we predict, sometimes in ways we could not have possibly foreseen. What a wonderful recipe for happiness and peace.
5. "Commit thy way unto the Lord" (see Ps. 37:5). No matter what your worries are, commit yourself to keeping His commandments. Brethren, honor your priesthood. Sisters, cleave unto the principles of light and truth.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Christmas in Melville
We had our Christmas celebration Saturday 6 January (which appropriately was also Epiphany or Three Kings Day) as roommates here at Melville.
You can read my roommate Sarah's blog post on it here. (The link includes recipes for the pear/gingerbread pudding and I also posted a comment on how to prepare the pork loin).
We awoke in our pajamas and had Christmas presents downstairs. We had a new coffee table from Santa, and each of us had a single gift, from an assigned roommate. In addition to the individual's gift, there was a house gift from each roommate.
Individual Gifts
Reija (from Michelle): a Ph.D Survival kit, which included polka-dot pajamas, a white Banana Republic blouse, the most recent issue of the Economist, 2 butterfly drinking glasses (for egg nog & OJ), and Mega M&Ms
Karren (from Sarah): silver earrings and green/white polka-dot shoes
Michelle (from Karren): bottle of scent (Charmer, from Anthropologie), Wit & Wisdom of Jane Austen (book), and four white drawer pulls for Michelle's linen closet/dresser (which up to this point has had an assortment of mismatched and even chipped knobs.
Sarah (from Reija): large wooden jewelry case (three levels high) with green/white polka-dot lining (it looked remarkably similar to the shoes Sarah gave me...)
We agreed that polka-dots are the new black... or so it would appear from the number of polka-dot'ed items in our collection.
House Gifts
Reija: curtains for the Mud Room Door, Dining Room windows, and Kitchen windows
Karren: placemats in slate blue, green, & grey
Michelle: picture frames
Sarah: curtain rods for the curtains given by Reija, a metal strainer
Santa: coffee table (large, wood, beautiful)
You can read my roommate Sarah's blog post on it here. (The link includes recipes for the pear/gingerbread pudding and I also posted a comment on how to prepare the pork loin).
We awoke in our pajamas and had Christmas presents downstairs. We had a new coffee table from Santa, and each of us had a single gift, from an assigned roommate. In addition to the individual's gift, there was a house gift from each roommate.
Individual Gifts
Reija (from Michelle): a Ph.D Survival kit, which included polka-dot pajamas, a white Banana Republic blouse, the most recent issue of the Economist, 2 butterfly drinking glasses (for egg nog & OJ), and Mega M&Ms
Karren (from Sarah): silver earrings and green/white polka-dot shoes
Michelle (from Karren): bottle of scent (Charmer, from Anthropologie), Wit & Wisdom of Jane Austen (book), and four white drawer pulls for Michelle's linen closet/dresser (which up to this point has had an assortment of mismatched and even chipped knobs.
Sarah (from Reija): large wooden jewelry case (three levels high) with green/white polka-dot lining (it looked remarkably similar to the shoes Sarah gave me...)
We agreed that polka-dots are the new black... or so it would appear from the number of polka-dot'ed items in our collection.
House Gifts
Reija: curtains for the Mud Room Door, Dining Room windows, and Kitchen windows
Karren: placemats in slate blue, green, & grey
Michelle: picture frames
Sarah: curtain rods for the curtains given by Reija, a metal strainer
Santa: coffee table (large, wood, beautiful)
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Press Release: Ring out the Maxima, Ring in the Camry
Since the Maxima died in the car Accident on 20 December (1pm ish), I had to get a new car. My dad and I went to the Stevens Creek Toyota and I watched as my dad negotiated my very first car purchase.
I bought a 2007 Toyota Camry (white, of course). This is a generic photo, I will try to get pics soon (my camera is borked).
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