Life after the wedding

One of the reasons I haven't blogged much since Bruce and I got married is that there has been so much change, change that I don't really know how to embrace.

I love being married to Bruce and I love having our own apartment and making our own life together, but almost everything else about getting married and being newly married has been very challenging.

When we were first married, work got very busy and I got a serious case of 'senioritis' - where all I wanted was to quit my job and be a stay at home wife. It felt very strange to want that so strongly, and I was really depressed with having such a discrepancy in what I wanted and what I was doing. Of course, I wasn't really going to quit my job and live off of Bruce's income, but it was what I wanted and so I just felt guilty and frustrated.

Then, I gained a lot of weight after getting married and I was very insecure socially with my old friends from the singles ward as well as new friends I was meeting at church.

Which was the final challenge, really. Even now, Bruce and I haven't really made friends with anyone at church. There are many people I admire and everyone is friendly, but every now and then when I stumble across a blog of someone at church, I see all of these parties & get-togethers with other people in our ward (including members who are newer than we are), and I don't want to be covetous or sad, but I do feel a little left out and lonely. I know we aren't even party people, per se, but it's hard to go from a single ward where everyone is always invited (for the most part) to a family ward where church and social life seem very, very separate.

Things have been getting better. I spoke to a counselor late last year to talk through some of the frustrations I had been having, and that helped a lot. I feel much better about my job and how to draw boundaries so that even if it's busy I don't feel trapped. I am very grateful to have the job that I have, even though I don't *love* it. I have great co-workers, great benefits, and lots of flexibility. My manager acknowledges all of the good work I do and is not overly critical for the mistakes I make. He is very supportive and I couldn't be luckier. The Lord has led me throughout my career to better and better situations and I know He is still with me.

I probably should have expressed this throughout the last year and a half, but I was embarrassed and didn't really know what to write. I didn't really understand the reactions I was having and felt weird that I was so happy being married and yet so sad about the change that was happening. Even when I could count my blessings and knew that my life wasn't 'that hard,' it still felt hard.

One good change coming up: I turn 30 in a few weeks! So crazy, but I'm really excited! It's strange to be getting so old and realize how young I am, too :) haha

I knew October would be a challenging month, but it still exceeded my expectations. I thought about doing a post mortem here but I think it's best for me to just move on :)

With that out of the way, I'm very grateful it's November! Here are some things I am looking forward to:

• getting together with some old friends
• going to a new book club
• not traveling
• celebrating Thanksgiving

One Year

• Bruce and I celebrated one year of marriage on Sunday. To celebrate we took it easy and went to lunch in Los Gatos. While we were there we went to Icing on the Cake (bakery) and got a couple of cakes. One was banana with cream cheese icing and the other was chocolate with chocolate icing. We shared them with friends on Sunday night. It was really fun to host them and both of the cakes were delicious!
• Work is supremely busy for me this month. I am traveling to Bakersfield (by car) next week to do training for a customer and to Las Vegas (by plane) the week after for our annual users conference. I will be conducting 2 days worth of sessions, so I'm very busy preparing for that in addition to my day job. I managed to escape a nasty death by PowerPoint, for which Bruce is graceful.
• Bruce and I have started having Family Story Time each night. Since we've started reading our scriptures together in the morning, instead of at night, it's been even better! So far we've read The Hobbit, Dealing with Dragons, and we're halfway through The Secret Garden. We take turns reading the book, so Bruce is reading this one aloud and he does the greatest Yorkshire accents! I love it!
• We are hoping to plan a great trip for next year - something that is a bit of a splurge and that is more relaxing than adventurous (although exotic is not ruled out). Suggestions are welcome :)

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is Bruce's birthday and also marks 9 months of marriage for us. It's amazing how much life has accelerated and how quickly one adapts to change. I love being married to Bruce and am grateful that he is my partner in life and beyond!

After work today I'm surprising Bruce with a trip out of town (within driving distance). It was fun telling him to pack a bag without him knowing exactly where we're going. It's not really anything exotic, but it's fun to be able to go away together on an adventure!

Have a great weekend!

What we did (over the last two weeks)

Two Karrens together!

• Visited my first niece Audrey Karren Lyle on her birthday.*
• [I] co-hosted an epic*** bridal shower for a beloved past roommate Sarah O. Bruce took the pictures and witnessed his first (and last) bridal shower.
• Celebrated my brother Gordon getting a job after a two year hiatus. Hooray!
• [I] made this cake twice.****
• [I] worked a gazillion hours (including past midnight in the office on Friday). yuck.
• [Both] enjoyed work holidays on Tuesday, July 5th -- and borrowed my dad's convertible to celebrate.
• Celebrated my best friend Andie's birthday!
• Had the obligatory ribs, swimming, root beer floats, and flag-raising breakfasts that come with Independence Day.
• Biked to Shoreline Amphitheater on the Fourth and saw the San Francisco symphony along with amazing fireworks!
• [I] got a haircut with like 5-6 inches cut off. 
• Visited with two friends from out of town, Christina and her fiance Victor (in town from Chicago) who had come out for our wedding in October and Inki & Robert (in town from Norway with their beautiful little girls). It was great catching up!

*Which happens to be Friday, June 24th**

**Which anniversary she shares with my sister-in-law Amanda!

***Epic in both how happy it was and in how tired we were afterwards

****Bruce likes it served with whipped cream and fresh strawberries. I like it best plain the next day.

A few things

1. On Friday my older brother Gordon signed an offer for full-time employment! After 2 years, 2 months of contract / part-time work since graduating with his MBA, we are extremely grateful! He starts on Monday - hooray!
2. I paid my deposit for the cruise in February 2012!! I am going with some high school / church friends from Saratoga / LG as a celebration of our 30th birthdays.
3. I found a spot behind the laurel hedge in our yard that is PERFECT for a discreet clothesline. This could save us $15-20 a month! (Our coin-op laundry is very expensive - $1.25-$2.00 / load - and we do 2-3 loads a week.)
4. I burned myself with the curling iron yesterday. It looked scandalous*, but only hurt for an hour or so.

*And, naturally, I burned the right side of my neck - the side that faces the entire congregation** when I play the organ.

**Do not you worry! I was able to strategically place my hair such that I think my burn escaped detection. ;-)

Things I'm Looking Forward To

• Riding my bike tonight
• Eating the strawberries, brie and walnuts that are waiting for me at home.
• The pending niece that has almost, ALMOST arrived...
• My haircut scheduled for next month.
• My baby brother Stuart's wedding in a month! (!!)
• Sarah's and Jed's wedding in August! (!!)
• Christensen family vacation in August*
• Crater Lake in September
• Spending Christmas in Portland**

*In Which I Will Take Off 7 Days From Work.
**In Which I Will Take Off 5 Days From Work.

Things that make me happy

<3

(in no particular order)

1. Sleeping 10 hours at night*
2. Riding my bike =)
3. Being married to Bruce
4. Cooking dinner
5. Flowers
6. Reading / listening / watching GC talks, Mormon.org profiles and Mormon Messages**
7. Being with my nephews (see picture)
8. Google Docs
9. Talking to extended family on the phone***
10. Having a clean house

*One of Bruce's 'surprises' when he married me
**I have found that when I don't do this, I'm not happy.
***Poor man's alternative to being with them....

Holiday!

My company randomly gave us Friday as a holiday this week. Words cannot express my happiness!

Bruce still has to go to work (bummer) and, incidentally, has a scout campout that night. In the 6+ months we've been married, the only time we've spent apart has been when I've had business trips, so this will be quite the novelty: having 100% discretionary time by myself for ~30 hours.

I have a lot of ideas in my head, but I've decided to play it by ear and keep things relaxed. Here are a few things I'm considering:

• sleeping in (both Friday AND Saturday!)
• hiking "the dish" at Stanford, or maybe just 
• going for a run, or maybe
• getting a massage* at Courtside Club** in Los Gatos & then working out at their gym*** & maybe also using their amazing steam room with eucalyptus oil mmmmmm
• seeing my nephews
• cleaning out some files / papers
• seeing the new Jane Eyre in theaters****

*Let it be noted that Bruce gets free massages at Google (or heavily discounted at least) -- so I deserve one now, obviously.

**We got massages at Courtside Club last year for Bruce's birthday and pretty much that day was THE tipping point on us deciding to get hitched****, so you can see it's a good idea for me to go back to this place. 

***You get free access to the club (gym, steam room, pool...) when you buy spa services. Luckily, their massages are way more affordable than most spas since they are primarily a gym.
****Bruce has suggested I do this one without him. hehe

***** kinda kidding on that one - but only kinda.

The reluctant resignation

It's true, I quit. Not my job, but my temple shift.

I started working at the Oakland Temple back in 2008. I would take the San Mateo bridge to Oakland every Wednesday afternoon to work the evening shift for all of 2009 until work made it prohibitive. In 2010 I just went once a month on Spanish night. Even just going monthly, I missed seeing my fellow workers (now friends) there and so after the wedding & holidays, I decided to try going back to my weekly shift in January 2011.

I found, however, that working full time and commuting up to a full shift at the temple once a week is not a good mix for me. I am proud of myself for taking better care of what I commit to, but it is also sad to feel that I can't keep up with all of the things I used to do. We had a great lesson in our women's meeting at church a few weeks ago about comparisons - one of the women pointed out that in addition to comparing ourselves to others, comparing ourselves to what we "used to be" is also unhelpful. I find that is often a temptation for me - it is very tempting to judge myself harshly for not being able to burn the candle at both ends with no obvious consequence like I used to. Ah, the glory days...

I have loved being an ordinance worker. It was such a gift to work there after all of the stress of Prop 8. I had wanted to work at the temple for over a year and finally I had my opportunity when that assignment was over. I loved having the temple be a normal part of my life. I loved learning the ordinances intimately and I am so happy that I got to learn them in Spanish. I especially loved my shift and that they worked with me when I was very much single, then dating, then engaged, and finally a newlywed. I know they are all invested in my happiness and I am sad that I won't be seeing them regularly.

I am grateful that I had this time and I know that it is right for it to end now. I look forward to the future when I will get to work in the temple again. :)

Today is a good day!

A few reasons why:

• I got a new shirt at costco that I am wearing today and it is pretty cute!
• I went to my new GI specialist and I don't need to have any procedures / surgeries pretty much until 2015!*
• Bruce and I are taking tomorrow off to go visit family in Utah and Idaho - I'll be meeting a bunch of family that wasn't able to come to our wedding in California. I'm only sad we will only have a few hours in Utah for the in-laws there.
• I am feeling confident about some decisions I've made to simplify my life. I am making progress on learning to say no to things.
• I like my husband. He is my BFF.

*I don't know that I have gone into it on this blog, but in 2007 2008 I was diagnosed with the very glamorous condition of ulcerative colitis (UC)--in my case it is specifically proctitis--and I had to get some routine sigmoidoscopies / colonoscopies when I was first diagnosed. It's all incredibly sexy. Lucky for me, proctitis is a very mild version of the condition and for that I am very grateful. I feel 200% better than I felt before I was diagnosed and treated. The most common symptoms I have now are some fatigue & nausea, which is nothing compared to what it could be :)

Birthday Weekend

My birthday was on a Saturday this year, so I didn't have to take a day off of work. [Every year I take my birthday off out of principle.* It's very celebratory to not be at work on one's birthday.]

Saturday morning / afternoon we...

• Slept in
• Took calls from family (Highlights include one singing of "Happy Birthday" by my mother-in-law accompanied by my youngest brother-in-law on the flute and my nephew Brady (now 3 1/2) telling me my birthday was "gonna be jus' won'erful!")
• Rode bikes on the coast in Pacific Grove (near Monterey & Carmel). 68 degrees, people!
• People & dog watched in Carmel-by-the-Sea

Saturday evening we...

• [I] blew out candles that Bruce crammed onto cupcakes for me. The one in the middle had like 10 in it.
• [Bruce] gave me balloons! I luuurve balloons. They were pink & red and also there was a sparkly/shiny one. 
• Watched Flipped per Merzy's recommendation (I especially liked that it is PG!)

Sunday my family had a birthday party for me. My dad made lemon chicken and banana cake (With fresh banana filling and cream cheese icing. Wowza!) It was so good to be with my family and to blow out candles again. Turns out that is a necessary party of birthdays for me.

Valentine's was equally if not more fabulous. Mostly it involved Costco lasagne, homemade salad by Bruce, leftover birthday cake, and a work call at 10pm with Singapore / Denmark. Ha! In spite of the work call it was chill and great.

xoxo
kt

*This principle was founded in 2007 -- the last time I did not take off my birthday. In that year, my birthday was on a Monday AND the night before I had JUST gotten my FIRST kiss from my new/pending boyfriend. I went into work that morning to find flowers from this love interest and then promptly left them (and him) to go on a work trip. Yes, the evening of my birthday I was on a plane to Denver (in February, mind you). And it just so happened that it was on Wednesday, February 14th at approximately 10pm that I returned from said trip. So both my birthday and Valentine's Day were sabotaged by work. And, I might add, a year later the client in Denver de-booked. Hence, the principle.

3 Things

1. My baby brother Stuart got engaged on Wednesday. Her name is Barb. The date is July 15th. She's pretty cool and we approve.

2. I cut the very tip (think fingerprint*) of my left index finger on Thursday night grappling with a butternut squash**. Bruce came home and took me to urgent care where they couldn't sew or glue it back together as it was no longer attached (Bruce found it on the knife when we got home***). 10 layers of surgicell later, my finger will be bandaged for approximately 2 weeks. Also, I got called to be the organist at church on Sunday. Have I mentioned how much I appreciate God's sense of humor? Because I do.

3. My older sister found out today that child #3 she is expecting in June is not boy #3, but a girl! This is the first granddaughter on both sides and my and Bruce's first niece. Needless to say, we're all very excited!


----------------------
*I may or may not have a fingerprint when it heals. I'll let you all know how it turns out.
**Yes, I know that Costco sells pre-sliced butternut squash.
***Yes, he took pictures.

I hope you enjoyed the clip art. Adds a bit of class to the blog, I think.

Word for the new year

This blog post inspired me to think of a word I would like to use for 2011:

happiness

I want to have happiness in spite of uncertainty, stress, and especially in spite of my own imperfections. I know happiness is possible in all of these scenarios through faith in Jesus Christ. That being said, I am deliberately choosing happiness as the word rather than faith, so that I won't be tempted to focus on the inadequacy of my faith and how I am falling short, but rather to keep my focus on the fruits of faith - which are always available!

Hooray!

Yesterday morning I woke up and paid off my car loan - before I even got out of bed to run!

It will process tomorrow and I should have no more debt by the end of the month!

I am so excited and now I just need to meet my OTHER goals (see previous post).

Goals

I have two short term goals that I am focusing specifically on right now:

1. Lose 10 lbs by July 1st.
2. Pray morning and night - aloud and on my knees.

I sometimes get bogged down by all of the ways that I want to improve, and my sister wisely suggested I pick two and let myself enjoy some success :)

Kind of a big deal

Yes, I am cheating and back-dating these posts. Give me a break! I have had a lot on my mind!

Why?

Because on Monday, February 22nd I gave notice at my current job and I am starting a new job on Monday, March 15th!

I'm so excited, but making the decision was an agonizing process. (AGONIZING).

I'm extremely happy with this decision, the 2 weeks off I have between the jobs, and my ridiculously wonderful boyfriend. life. is. good. (!!)

40 Days of ...

Tomorrow kicks off 40 days until Easter, and so I'm going to do the following:

• Purge my Google Reader of the superfluous design, fashion, and other blogs that distract me. (DONE!)
• Purge my iTunes of music that is distracting from good things.
• Blog daily (watch out!)
• Give up sweets (Bruce and I are doing this together).

#23. Run a 5k Race

Last night I ran the Palo Alto Moonlight Run 5k and it was lovely!

Firstly, the weather was perfect and we ran on the baylands. I felt pre-race giddiness.

Secondly, so many friends were there! Lots of children, an assortment of neighbors and members of the community. It was delightful to jog in place, smiling, laughing. My newly released Bishop D W came by after finishing the 5k walk with his two beaming red-headed daughters. They were pink-cheeked and smiled so sweetly.

And then! We were off! I felt the imminent danger of a human stampede, but as I moved with the crowd we suddenly reached the open air of the trail. I forgot my iPod, so I simply ran alone looking at the night, focusing on my breathing, finding my pace. The giddiness melted away and I heard snippets of conversations from my neighbors as they passed me, I passed them. It was beautiful to think of all the many hearts beating in their respective chests. Most runners had some kind of light source - a blinking red button, a headlamp, a glowing necklace or bracelet.

And when I reached the last mile, I picked up my pace praying that I wouldn't burn out. And when I reached the final 100 yards, I sprinted. I beat my previous time, I was greeted by and continued to greet arriving friends. I ate orange slices, quarters of bagel, and reveled in the satisfaction that I had officially completed #23 of my 100 Things (see right hand sidebar). I ran a 5k race (and enjoyed it)!

Stake Mission Rules

My friend Jennifer gave me these rules that her Stake Mission has outlined. I think they pretty much cover all the bases:

• Get up early; go to bed at a reasonable hour
• Offer regular, frequent and fervent prayer
• Engage in daily scripture study
• Write in your journal
• Exercise
• Look the part
• Keep the commandments
• Freely give service
• Go to the temple
• Don't waste time
• Share the gospel

I am toying with the notion of doing a blog post on my attempts to do each of these with consistency. But we all know how that went with the stress busters..