One of the reasons I haven't blogged much since Bruce and I got married is that there has been so much change, change that I don't really know how to embrace.
I love being married to Bruce and I love having our own apartment and making our own life together, but almost everything else about getting married and being newly married has been very challenging.
When we were first married, work got very busy and I got a serious case of 'senioritis' - where all I wanted was to quit my job and be a stay at home wife. It felt very strange to want that so strongly, and I was really depressed with having such a discrepancy in what I wanted and what I was doing. Of course, I wasn't really going to quit my job and live off of Bruce's income, but it was what I wanted and so I just felt guilty and frustrated.
Then, I gained a lot of weight after getting married and I was very insecure socially with my old friends from the singles ward as well as new friends I was meeting at church.
Which was the final challenge, really. Even now, Bruce and I haven't really made friends with anyone at church. There are many people I admire and everyone is friendly, but every now and then when I stumble across a blog of someone at church, I see all of these parties & get-togethers with other people in our ward (including members who are newer than we are), and I don't want to be covetous or sad, but I do feel a little left out and lonely. I know we aren't even party people, per se, but it's hard to go from a single ward where everyone is always invited (for the most part) to a family ward where church and social life seem very, very separate.
Things have been getting better. I spoke to a counselor late last year to talk through some of the frustrations I had been having, and that helped a lot. I feel much better about my job and how to draw boundaries so that even if it's busy I don't feel trapped. I am very grateful to have the job that I have, even though I don't *love* it. I have great co-workers, great benefits, and lots of flexibility. My manager acknowledges all of the good work I do and is not overly critical for the mistakes I make. He is very supportive and I couldn't be luckier. The Lord has led me throughout my career to better and better situations and I know He is still with me.
I probably should have expressed this throughout the last year and a half, but I was embarrassed and didn't really know what to write. I didn't really understand the reactions I was having and felt weird that I was so happy being married and yet so sad about the change that was happening. Even when I could count my blessings and knew that my life wasn't 'that hard,' it still felt hard.
One good change coming up: I turn 30 in a few weeks! So crazy, but I'm really excited! It's strange to be getting so old and realize how young I am, too :) haha
7 comments:
I'm always grateful for a good "real" blog post - thanks for sharing. You will always be one of my PA favorites :)
Don't really have anything of depth to say, but I feel ya. And I was super excited about my 30th as well. It is fantastic.
You are so wise to even recognize and acknowledge these issues... most people don't, or won't. I think most of us can relate to all of this in some way.
My husband and I have had similar experiences with the social thing... couples in our ward are friendly and seem to like us but we don't get invited to things, even though WE invite people to our home, for dinner, etc. (We also have the smallest home in our ward, but we do it anyway.) We used to be hurt by it until we finally realized that what makes us happy is hosting others, so we are sticking with that and not worrying about the rest. It also helped when we admitted that we don't really enjoy most of the activities we have been excluded from. Though it would have been nice to at least have been asked, we know we haven't really missed anything. :)
We have also found that after spending time with some couples who we had thought of highly and really wanted to be their friends, well, we changed our minds (for various reasons... nothing in common, different standards, etc.). So, you never know....
I also went through the "want to quit my job and stay home" phase too. :) I didn't, of course, though I am very grateful that I WAS able to when our first child was born.
Weight gain? Oh yeah.
Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry the adjustment was hard but I am glad you are feeling better! Just throw awesome parties. it took Dave and I almost a year to have good ward friends that weren't shanna and Evan! It definitely can be hard to make ward friends when everyone is newly married.
Thank you, friends! I know it will get better, and already it IS getting better. I just hadn't had realistic expectations of how different my life would be socially once I got married. haha Turns out life's 'problems' are never over - big or small :)
I love you, kt!
Such an honest, thoughtful post - thanks for sharing! I think it's always helpful to remember that challenges lead to learning - so even when its hard or different than you thought it would be, that's a place to grow. And now you get to do that growing with Bruce, which makes it even better.
I know it's not socializing in the ward, but we should definitely plan a time to hang out soon!
Post a Comment