As many of you know, our baby Silas was born on Wednesday last week and is in the NICU at Lucile Packard right now.

We have created a blog where we will be posting pictures & updates for those who want to follow:
http://silasraymond.tumblr.com/ 

I am recovering well from my c-section and have been home since Saturday night. Silas is doing great and we expect to have him home relatively soon. Many thanks to all who have been remembering Silas in their prayers!

love
Karren

Go read these posts. They are awesome. The end.

p.s. baby is coming soon. I'll let you know when he gets here!

Quote of the Day

Anger is the most impotent of passions. It effects nothing it goes about, and hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed.

Carl Sandburg

24 Weeks

We had our fourth prenatal appointment today and everything went really well. My weight gain is good and I am probably about as comfortable as I'll be until after this baby is out of me :)

A week ago today (President's Day), early in the morning when I was still half-awake, I started feeling some pain in my side (not uncommon to have growing pains), and when I put my hand down to massage the pain I felt a sharp kick! That was the first time I KNEW that I felt the baby moving. I grabbed Bruce's hand and had him put pressure on to my tummy so that he was able to feel the baby, too! We loved that we both felt the baby together. Since then I feel the baby move often, which I like -- I like knowing that he is well.

We went to a really nice wedding last weekend in Seattle (Bruce's cousin got married), stayed with some of his best friends, and then spent President's Day in Portland with my father-in-law and two brothers-in-law. We got to meet our newest nephew Sam while we were there. Bruce and Sam were cuddle buddies immediately, as you can see in the picture below.

Bruce and Sam (via Amanda's blog)

We were sad that we missed seeing my mother-in-law who was in Connecticut with Bruce's sister helping with her new daughter Daisy (just a few weeks old now!). In March we will go meet Daisy in person and we are really excited!

On my birthday =)

I have always felt that a woman has the right to treat the subject of her age with ambiguity until, perhaps, she passes into the realm of over ninety. Then it is better she be candid with herself and with the world.

Carl Sandburg

Each life that touches ours for good

My sister called me today to tell me about a dear family friend's passing this morning. Our friend Hiro was quite young (in his 30s) and it was a shock to hear the news. I didn't know of his heart condition, as others did, and was saddened to hear of his death.

My mind thinks back to my dear friend Kate who passed away in November 2010. Like Hiro, she was young and a person of pure heart. While I grieve the loss of these friends, I'm grateful for the time I got to spend with them and for the influence they continue to have in my life. They were both great examples of faith and sincere kindness to others.

Hiro - his name means "generous" 

Kate - a kindred spirit

Hiro was in the singles ward with my siblings for years while I was at BYU. He was their home teacher and, more than that, a true friend. Hiro seemed to always include me (and all of my family) in his service to my siblings. Hiro was often at my family's house spending time with us and was always smiling and full of humor. On one occasion I remember him going so far as to bring me a souvenir from one of his trips to Japan - a magnet to add to my magnet collection :) Hiro, as a wedding present to my sister, drove the limo for her wedding. He was consistently thoughtful and generous. I know so many had similar experiences with Hiro.

I'm grateful for each life that touches mine for good and hope to express that gratitude often when given the opportunity. I love you, Hiro and Kate! Thank you for your friendship and may God bless your families who miss you every day.

Related to prior posts here and here.

20 weeks! (halfway there)

Wow! I can't believe I am halfway through this pregnancy. The first trimester seemed to drag at times, but mostly it has just flown by.

Here I am at almost 20 weeks

I feel pretty good overall (especially compared to the first trimester), so I guess the 2nd trimester truly is the promised land! I have some discomfort sleeping, but I did this great workout DVD last night that included some stretching that really helped. The other least comfortable symptom I have is heartburn. Sadly, the 'prescription' is to eat a small bowl of ice cream every night. HA. (I'm not even kidding, by the way, and the amazing thing is that it actually works.)

Bruce and I have been working on changing the layout of our bedroom and clearing out our storage unit to make space for this little guy. So far, so good!

For those of you who are interested, here are some of the ultrasound pictures from our appointment last week:

You can see his profile on the left. The little black spot in his middle is his heart  :)

Oh, and here's a little foot :)

Drum roll, please!

Well, it's official! "Squirt" is a boy! We are so delighted - this is the third generation oldest son in Bruce's family and we are so happy to know our baby a little bit better now :)

Thoughts

Bruce and I spent last weekend in Arizona with my extended family. My parents flew directly there from Virginia, I drove down in stages by myself, and Bruce flew in on Thursday. We all drove back together on Sunday in time for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my parents and siblings. While we were in Arizona, my aunts threw me a baby shower and I now have a nice little stash of baby things set aside for June. It was so fun to just visit with my family. I have never been to one of the family showers because I live out of state, so it was a special experience for my mom and me to be there.

Bruce and I also spent some time scanning old pictures from my grandpa's collection. I'm hoping to print and frame some of them so that our children will have a visual of their ancestors.

One of the highlights of our trip was being able to see my dad's younger brother Richard who is very sick with cancer. We don't know how things are going to go in the next few weeks or months and so we were very grateful to be able to spend an hour or so with him at the ER. He looked amazing (he's only 51 and has been in great physical shape up until this cancer diagnosis earlier this year) ... it's hard to believe that he is so sick when he looked so well.

It's hard to watch my dad preparing to say good-bye to another brother (my dad's brother Steve passed three years ago). Even though I know death is inevitable, it still feels unnatural and just wrong every time. One would think that with all of the generations that have past we would get used to this conclusion, but I think we must feel instinctively that we are all of us older and more lasting than a mere mortal existence. Death just seems to go against all that should be.

And I believe that it does. I believe that death has and will be conquered for everyone. That is the universal gift from a heavenly father who loves us all. God is not a respecter of persons and I know that there is healing and life ahead.

Mild, he lays his glory by

Born that man no more may die 

Born to raise the sons of earth

Born to give them second birth 

Hark! The herald angels sing: 

Glory to the new born king! 

"Oh, death, where is thy sting, oh, grave, where is thy victory?"

More on this here and here.

  

2nd Prenatal Appointment Report

Bruce and I went to our second prenatal appointment today. I'm at about 14 weeks (early 2nd trimester) and we got to hear our baby's heart beat for the first time! I think our doctor forgot that he said he would do an ultrasound and since I didn't really mind I didn't remind him. Hearing the heart beat was good enough for me! (btw, for those interested, I'm including some 'stats' at the foot of this post: most of which would have meant nothing to me before I was pregnant, of course. ha.)

Happily, the doctor said everything is GREAT. My weight gain, blood pressure, sugar and protein levels, etc. are all totally normal / clear / good. It is so wonderful to have modern medicine to measure these things. I can't actually feel the baby yet, so it's extremely comforting to have other ways to monitor that the baby is alive and well. There are so many steps along the way where things could go wrong that I just feel incredibly grateful every time I receive any kind of confirmation that things are well.

We scheduled our next ultrasound (which is when we will find out baby's gender!) for Wednesday, January 16th. I'll definitely post something here to let my very loyal readers know. In the meantime, Bruce has christened the baby "Squirt" so that we aren't always referring to the baby as 'it.' Having a nickname has definitely helped us feel that this is a very real person who will be joining our family soon. It is still so bizarre to consider that some day we will know this person so well, yet right now we have no idea 'who' he or she is! 

Sometimes I feel really overwhelmed thinking about all of the changes that are and will continue to happen with having a baby. Okay, often! At other times life just seems completely normal and perhaps this pregnancy is just something I've made up in my head. But every now and then we get a glimpse of glory - what an amazing thing it is that my body can do this and that this baby will be a person who will grow to be an individual personality just like each of us.

As for morning sickness, I'm starting to feel a LOT better. I still have to make sure I'm eating regularly or I can get quite sick, but overall my energy is increasing and my food aversions are dwindling. I actually had a protein shake today for the first time in months! So great! My goal now is to focus on eating more nutritiously - more like what I was before my pregnancy symptoms started - and to get back into my exercise routine. Hooray for the promised land AKA 2nd trimester!

2nd Prenatal Appointment Stats:

my weight gain last month: 3.5 lbs

my blood pressure: 118/82

my uterus: 16 cm

baby's heart rate: 162 bpm

Quote of the Day

You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him find it within himself.

Galileo

Thoughts

In emailing my friend Mark today I remembered this story of his family. Mark was my home teacher for a while when he lived here (he has since moved) and is someone I enjoy spending time with and admire very much. He is also one of my adopted cousins since he shares my married name :)

My heart is tender thinking of his family and the trials they have gone through. Their faith inspires me deeply.

Here are a few quotes from the story I linked to above that seem appropriate especially as Christmas Day approaches:

...We laugh, we cry, we work, we play, we love, we live. And then we die. Death is our universal heritage. All must pass its portals. Death claims the aged, the weary and worn. It visits the youth in the bloom of hope and the glory of expectation. Nor are little children kept beyond its grasp. In the words of the Apostle Paul, “It is appointed unto men once to die.” ¹²And dead we would remain but for one Man and His mission, even Jesus of Nazareth. Born in a stable, cradled in a manger, His birth fulfilled the inspired pronouncements of many prophets. He was taught from on high. He provided the life, the light, and the way.

The simple pronouncement, “He is not here, but is risen,” was the first confirmation of the literal Resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The empty tomb that first Easter morning brought comforting assurance, an affirmative answer to Job’s question, “If a man die, shall he live again?” ¹⁹To all who have lost loved ones, we would turn Job’s question to an answer: If a man die, he shall live again. We know, for we have the light of revealed truth. “I am the resurrection, and the life,” spoke the Master. “He that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.” ²⁰Through tears and trials, through fears and sorrows, through the heartache and loneliness of losing loved ones, there is assurance that life is everlasting. Our Lord and Savior is the living witness that such is so. 

Thomas Monson 

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

This week Bruce and I put up Christmas lights. Our Christmas tree has a crooked star a la Dr. Seuss but I kind of like it.

The last few weeks have been touch and go with nausea but mostly I try not to give up. Yesterday I went to the temple and made dinner. Today was less productive but my goal is to make dinner again. I find that if I do things in stages things are more likely to happen. (11am dice celery. Take nap. 1pm Buy tomatoes. Take nap. 3pm dice tomatoes... You get the idea...)

Tonight Bruce and I are going on a date to the Stanford Cantor Arts center to see "video quartet" ... An exhibit I fell in love with when it first premiered at sfmoma several years ago. I can't wait!

Great expectations

Bruce and I are expecting a baby in mid-June of next year. I feel pretty good, especially since I started a vitamin b6 / unisom regimen last week. We found out about the pregnancy the same week I achieved my 20 pound weight loss milestone, so it was a big week :)

We are really happy about the pregnancy. Our baby will have 4 cousins within 6 months of its birthday.  In fact, Bruce has a sister and an aunt due the same week that I am.

We expect that we'll find out whether the baby is a boy or girl sometime in the beginning of the new year. Stay tuned!

Happiness, or "human flourishing"

I've been reading two books on happiness lately and am enjoying both of them.

The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

I actually have already read the latter, but I enjoyed it so much I bought it recently. The former is a book from Bruce's book club so we've been reading it together.

I like that both books are very tactical and pragmatic. For instance, in The Happiness Advantage, we learn several proven activities that increase happiness, which are as follows (not a complete list):

1. Meditate daily
2. Always have something to look forward to
3. Perform 5 conscious (premeditated) acts of kindness daily
4. Spend 20 minutes outside in good weather (daily if possible)
5. Exercise
6. Spend money on experiences and gifts
7. Spend time with dogs (and other animals)

There are also several flavors of happiness. These can include:
Inspiration
Awe
Gratitude
Love
Joy
Serenity
Interest
Hope
Pride
Amusement

Basically, the goal is to have pleasure+engagement+meaning. We need to be contributing and creating with purpose. Also some pleasure must be derived to prevent burn out.

Post-Election Non-Political Thoughts

I am so glad the 2012 presidential election is over.  Perhaps not quite as relieved as I was when the 2008 election ended. At that time proposition 8 was on the ballot in California and I think I can safely say it was the most stressful time of my life. That being the case, I am grateful I experienced it as it forced me to acknowledge how things are a'changing in the world.

For one, I really do believe that the time of (relative) popularity for Mormons is past. I think Mormons have always been ridiculed a bit, don't get me wrong. When I first moved to California in high school, for instance, I definitely got jokes about "how many moms did I have?" etc. etc. However, when Mormons / Mormonism is discussed in the media, whatever the stance of an article's author, there is a lot of venom in the comments. There is also very real hurt in some of them (from former Mormons). I find it so painful to read them and I know it is useless to engage. These attitudes are becoming more common and I think that trend will continue.

And so Fall 2008 was when it occurred to me that I could no longer expect to be understood or, in some cases, respected, by my community and that I probably could never expect it again. I felt so isolated and discouraged by this idea. Like everyone else, I like to be understood, valued, and respected, and when I'm with individuals in person I am almost always accorded respect. But even at a friend's barbecue this last weekend I met with a polygamist joke in poor taste. The person could not have known I was a Mormon, I know it wasn't mean spirited at all, and yet...

When I think of the word persecution I think of stoning, mobs, tar & feathers; but I suppose the more modern, civilized society uses snarky and snide comments to achieve a similar end. I truly don't struggle with paying tithes, abstaining from alcohol, dressing modestly, etc. but I'll admit it is often hard to read cruel and demeaning comments on the Internet so full of contempt and willful misunderstanding.

Which brings me to the second truth I learned in Fall 2008. Not only do I need to get used to this reality, but it's an opportunity and an expectation from God that I submit and try to forgive these attitudes (while recognizing that I can't change them).

Let us here observe, that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation; for, from the first existence of man, the faith necessary unto the enjoyment of life and salvation never could be obtained without the sacrifice of all earthly things. It was through this sacrifice, and this only, that God has ordained that men should enjoy eternal life; and it is through the medium of the sacrifice of all earthly things that men do actually know that they are doing the things that are well pleasing in the sight of God. When a man has offered in sacrifice all that he has for the truth's sake, not even withholding his life, and believing before God that he has been called to make this sacrifice because he seeks to do his will, he does know, most assuredly, that God does and will accept his sacrifice and offering, and that he has not, nor will not seek his face in vain. Under these circumstances, then, he can obtain the faith necessary for him to lay hold on eternal life. (Joseph Smith, Lectures on Faith 6:7)

I can attest that the above is true within the small range of experience I have had. It was horribly painful for me to participate in the campaigning of proposition 8 for so many reasons. However, the intensity of that sacrifice did increase my faith.

I hope that I can have the strength to face the hard times ahead with courage and grace. To be kind and forgiving of others even while I am mocked and the things I hold sacred ridiculed. I am grateful for the MANY loyal friends I have who are not of my faith. Who, whatever their private opinions of my faith, treat me with respect and dignity. I have so many friends with that quality of character and I hope I never take them for granted! If you're reading this blog--know that I appreciate you!

2nd Anniversary & Disneyland

Happy anniversary to us! We celebrated 2 years last Tuesday and then promptly went to Disneyland the next day! I put a lot of pictures up on instagram you can find them with my username superawesomekt

Now that I am a full-time housewife, I am in charge of getting us ready for trips. It's really fun, actually, to do the laundry, packing, plan our food, etc. I spent Wednesday morning doing some final preparation (including some essential shopping at Banana Republic, of course!) and then picked up Bruce from work and away we went!

We arrived in good time in Anaheim (around 8:30pm) and we met up with Bruce's aunts and grandma in Disneyland the next day. Bruce and I wore our mouse ears faithfully and I had the corn dog I've been craving since 2009. Sadly, Indiana Jones was closed, but I went on every single ride I wanted to go on (with the exception of It's a Small World)

Disneyland at Halloween isn't nearly as cool as Disneyland at Christmas, but the weather was definitely better than our last trip (December 30th-ish - lots of cold rain + keds = misery for kt). We had so much fun with Bruce's family and also got to check out California Adventure for the first time. That being said, three days was perfect, and I wouldn't have wanted to spend any more time there :)

Highlights:

• Soarin' over California
• Riding Thunder Mountain Railroad at night
• Radiator Spring Racing (new Cars ride at California Adventure)
• Watching the World of Color (new light/water show at California Adventure)
• Corn Dogs
• High-fiving Easton (2 years old) about 20 times after he 'flew' the rockets in Tommorowland
• Bruce pushing me in a wheelchair for 2/3 days so that my feet didn't die

On my wedding anniversary

Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me.

Carl Sandburg

Great talk

http://www.lds.org/liahona/2001/07/first-things-first

"First Things First" by Elder Richard G. Scott

Quote of the Day

Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right.

Ezra Taft Benson