To the Lighthouse

And all the lives we ever lived
and all the lives to be,
are full of trees and changing leaves,

she murmured, sticking her needles into the stocking. And she opened the book and began reading here and there at random, and as she did so she felt she was climbing backwards, upwards, shoving her way up under petals that curved over her, so that she only knew this is white, or this is red. She did not know at first what the words meant at all.

I finally finished reading Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse. I loved the passage above - I think it is a wonderful way to articulate the processing of any kind of art or media that we find beautiful without perhaps even understanding why or what it means. It may even sum up how I feel about this book. Maybe.

The book is definitely a modern piece and, as I've implied above, I haven't quite digested it yet. Not because it's shocking or bizarre or overwhelming, but because it is very much the style of that period (It was published in the late 20s) so it is more about what the characters are thinking and their own subjective experiences than it is about a narrative. That being said, there is a plot and the writing is good. It's just the author isn't leading you down a path but rather presenting you with the insides of the characters' heads in about as organized a fashion as she can. It's a short novel and I think I may reread it next month. It reminds me in some ways of Willa Cather's The Professor's House in both the style and my own response to it.

Okay, that's all.

Birthday Weekend

My birthday was on a Saturday this year, so I didn't have to take a day off of work. [Every year I take my birthday off out of principle.* It's very celebratory to not be at work on one's birthday.]

Saturday morning / afternoon we...

• Slept in
• Took calls from family (Highlights include one singing of "Happy Birthday" by my mother-in-law accompanied by my youngest brother-in-law on the flute and my nephew Brady (now 3 1/2) telling me my birthday was "gonna be jus' won'erful!")
• Rode bikes on the coast in Pacific Grove (near Monterey & Carmel). 68 degrees, people!
• People & dog watched in Carmel-by-the-Sea

Saturday evening we...

• [I] blew out candles that Bruce crammed onto cupcakes for me. The one in the middle had like 10 in it.
• [Bruce] gave me balloons! I luuurve balloons. They were pink & red and also there was a sparkly/shiny one. 
• Watched Flipped per Merzy's recommendation (I especially liked that it is PG!)

Sunday my family had a birthday party for me. My dad made lemon chicken and banana cake (With fresh banana filling and cream cheese icing. Wowza!) It was so good to be with my family and to blow out candles again. Turns out that is a necessary party of birthdays for me.

Valentine's was equally if not more fabulous. Mostly it involved Costco lasagne, homemade salad by Bruce, leftover birthday cake, and a work call at 10pm with Singapore / Denmark. Ha! In spite of the work call it was chill and great.

xoxo
kt

*This principle was founded in 2007 -- the last time I did not take off my birthday. In that year, my birthday was on a Monday AND the night before I had JUST gotten my FIRST kiss from my new/pending boyfriend. I went into work that morning to find flowers from this love interest and then promptly left them (and him) to go on a work trip. Yes, the evening of my birthday I was on a plane to Denver (in February, mind you). And it just so happened that it was on Wednesday, February 14th at approximately 10pm that I returned from said trip. So both my birthday and Valentine's Day were sabotaged by work. And, I might add, a year later the client in Denver de-booked. Hence, the principle.

3 Things

1. My baby brother Stuart got engaged on Wednesday. Her name is Barb. The date is July 15th. She's pretty cool and we approve.

2. I cut the very tip (think fingerprint*) of my left index finger on Thursday night grappling with a butternut squash**. Bruce came home and took me to urgent care where they couldn't sew or glue it back together as it was no longer attached (Bruce found it on the knife when we got home***). 10 layers of surgicell later, my finger will be bandaged for approximately 2 weeks. Also, I got called to be the organist at church on Sunday. Have I mentioned how much I appreciate God's sense of humor? Because I do.

3. My older sister found out today that child #3 she is expecting in June is not boy #3, but a girl! This is the first granddaughter on both sides and my and Bruce's first niece. Needless to say, we're all very excited!


----------------------
*I may or may not have a fingerprint when it heals. I'll let you all know how it turns out.
**Yes, I know that Costco sells pre-sliced butternut squash.
***Yes, he took pictures.

I hope you enjoyed the clip art. Adds a bit of class to the blog, I think.

Of Things That Matter Most by Dieter Uchtdorf

When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace or even accelerate, thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be.

We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.

The wise resist the temptation to get caught up in the frantic rush of everyday life.

There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions.

Leonardo da Vinci is quoted as saying that “simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” 

I think most of us intuitively understand how important the fundamentals are. It is just that we sometimes get distracted by so many things that seem more enticing.

Printed material, wide-ranging media sources, electronic tools and gadgets—all helpful if used properly—can become hurtful diversions or heartless chambers of isolation.

We would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most.

If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most.

Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most.

You can read the talk here.

What we did

on Monday, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, AKA HOLIDAY!

• slept in
• made waffles
• worked (boo) - I on work-work, Bruce programming a statistical analysis of the game Farkle so he can beat me at least once (hehe)
• blew zubbles - one of my Christmas presents from Bruce :)
• tasted the samples at Costco
• visited my parents and exchanged a fake Christmas tree for some of my dad's tasty food
• read a chapter of Silas Marner aloud.
• ate at Five Guys Famous Burgers & Fries for the first time (meh)

Word for the new year

This blog post inspired me to think of a word I would like to use for 2011:

happiness

I want to have happiness in spite of uncertainty, stress, and especially in spite of my own imperfections. I know happiness is possible in all of these scenarios through faith in Jesus Christ. That being said, I am deliberately choosing happiness as the word rather than faith, so that I won't be tempted to focus on the inadequacy of my faith and how I am falling short, but rather to keep my focus on the fruits of faith - which are always available!

A few things:

1. Bruce helped me put the strawberry in my header. It makes me happy.
2. Here are my goals this week:

• walk for 10 minutes (5 days)
• personal prayer daily
• work from home only 2 days - not all 5 :)

 3. Things from my list I want to accomplish this year:

• visit Yosemite
• visit Norway
• learn to code in python (changed this from javascript)
• learn calligraphy

 I'll probably start revising / adding things to the list this year, too.

A growing fondness

Previous installment here.

When Bruce and I went running at the Baylands, I was surprised by how easy it was to talk to him. When we were alone together, he spoke more openly and was not as reserved as he was in our monthly home teaching visits.

I was very pleased when later that same week I got a text from him: "Been running lately?" I felt that I wasn't just a home teaching 'duty' and that he had also enjoyed our time together.

And so we went running that next Friday instead of going to the Mid-Singles (30+) conference. He ended up coming over to my house after our run and watched a movie with me. After the movie ended, we talked and talked into the wee hours of the morning.

That night when he left, I wondered why he had stayed so late talking to me. I wondered if he was even slightly interested in me. And then of course I wondered if I was even a little interested in him. My mind couldn't quite put us together, but I liked him. I felt rather fond of him, even. I decided that I would continue to spend time with him and not create a forced crush. That meant NOT talking to my girlfriends about him.

Even though I knew better than to talk to my friends about him, I just liked him a lot. So the following (abridged) gchat with my former roommate RM was, I suppose, inevitable.

She was already engaged to marry a redhead, so the segue was simple: I confided that I was, "rather fond of a red-head myself -- and rather fond is about its level."


gchat excerpt from 28 September 2009:

RM: 
why are you fond of bruce?
btw
his hair is not red
it defies color definition
it's like.....
orange
yellow
red
blue
green

me:
yeah
it's awesome
well we run together twice weekly
and I am just rather fond of him
that is all.

RM: 
oh yeah
is he fond of you?

me: 
oh, I think so.
we hug often
and we hung out the wknd of mid-singles conference
and he stayed until 2:15am talking with me
but I think it is simply mutual fondness
but I just find that I really look forward to seeing him
I had been wanting to tell someone but there isn't anything to tell
and I am okay with that, too
I mean I don't have anything I am driving towards
if that makes sense
in my head
or heart
no experiments

RM:
yeah
that makes sense
just growing fondness/attachment
sometimes that's a lovely way to go /feel

me: 
yes, it is good to have a friend
and I know he is my friend. so that is a great thing to me.

I think that my decision to just "wait and see" was possible because I had wiped my slate free, so to speak. In previous months or years, I think I would have just made a decision immediately and either have fed a premature crush or just blown him off. It was very pleasant - and refreshing - to have a simple affection for my new friend with, of course, just the tiniest bit of curiosity. :)

Next installment here.

Unstructured Time

One of the things on my mind quite a bit summer of 2009 was how to have more unstructured time in my life.

I had been working long hours, traveling for business, teaching a summer institute course (including writing my own lesson plans), teaching gospel doctrine, and tutoring. I had finished my third move for the year and had just returned from a trip to Europe. I was burned out.

I have always struggled with giving myself alone time and not over-committing myself. I have also always struggled with exercising regularly. I felt that perhaps these two things were connected. I wasn't prioritizing exercise enough because I was crowding it out with other things.

I remembered a church conference address that had given counsel to parents to not structure their kids' schedules too much and I realized that if I couldn't do that for myself now, then I couldn't expect to do it for my (theoretical) kids.

I spent much of the summer trying to change and found it extremely challenging. I decided I had to retrench socially to get my life in order. Many of my friends were concerned that I wasn't prioritizing my social life (I was, after all 27!) but I knew that I needed to slow myself down. I felt good about skipping social activities to attend my yoga class and go to bed early.

In August, when my home teachers asked me if they could do anything to help me, I confided that I was struggling to find a way to run regularly. I told them I had always struggled with making time to exercise - and now I was concerned because it was starting to get dark and that was just another barrier to overcome.

My home teacher Nathan suggested that I just do what I could each day - even if it's just a 5 minute walk or jog. My home teacher Bruce, the quieter of the two, offered to run with me.

I was pleased with both of their answers - and promptly accepted Bruce's offer to go running together. We ran the next evening in the baylands.

--------

Postscripts

--------

Bruce's motives
I felt instinctively that Bruce's offer to run with me was not an attempt to pursue me, but just a way to help me and at the same time be more physically active himself. I felt that and so I trusted him. I had never run with a man before (nor had any desire to), but I felt at ease with him.

(By the way, Bruce confirmed later that he really did just want to run to help in his training to hike Mt. Rainier. HA! I was right!)

How this changed me
I know I would not have had time for a relationship prior to giving myself more unstructured time. I might have made formal dates a priority, but I simply would have been too busy for the casual shared time that is required to build the friendship that should be the foundation of any strong relationship.

Next installment here.

p.s. the bread is delicious!

Tabula Rasa

I've been thinking about the past year and a half - already so many of my memories of my and Bruce's dating, courtship, and engagement are starting to fade. I've decided to blog about what I learned from those experiences to document them. If along the way any of you few, but beloved, readers have questions, feel free to post them in the comments and I'll do my best to answer them.

Dating Bruce was easy, natural, and simple, but it also required a lot of change on my part. I had no idea of this up front, of course, and some of the changes took place before we even started dating.

For instance, in the spring of 2009 I felt very strongly that I needed to either walk through or close the "open doors" I had with various men in my life. I felt this so strongly that I went through a process of taking steps to walk through those open doors -- and each time I approached each one, either something in my heart or something I observed in him closed it for me.

It wasn't easy, but opportunities arrived. I saw some of my ex-boyfriends who were still single, spent time with some with whom the timing had never been right. In all of the cases, I consciously felt that I wasn't interested and neither were they. I let those "possibilities" go and by the time Bruce and I were spending time together in September, my heart was a blank slate, and as a result, I think, ready.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've baked my first loaves of bread!

In honor of my dear friend Kate, who encouraged me to achieve this goal and I know would have liked to be a part of it, I have finally baked my first loaves of bread! They are beautiful, I will be posting pictures soon, and we will see if they taste as good as they look. :)

Thank you. Thank you. I'm so happy!

Christmas Eve

Bruce and I spent Christmas Eve with my parents, all of my siblings, in-laws, and nephews. It was a full house, but as my 3 1/2 year old nephew Brady remarked just before we sat down to eat, "This is a lovely dinner!"

My dad made our traditional Christmas dinner. And we had our traditional English Crackers to open. The toys & jokes were great this year, but I miss the colorful tissue crowns. This year's were silver and they were not silly enough for me.

Starter:
Mushroom and leek soup
Cheddar and dill scones (this year the scones were served with honey butter)

Entree:
Prime rib with creamy horseradish sauce on the side
Roasted red potatoes
Steamed asparagus with Hollandaise

Dessert:
English trifle (fruit, lemon cake, custard)

After dinner we sat around the fire and my dad read Dylan Thomas' "A Child's Christmas in Wales," after which my brother-in-law Brock read Dr. Seuss' "The Grinch." We then sang Christmas carols with my dad on the guitar, and then Alli sang Suo Gân (a traditional Welsh lullabye). It was gorgeous.

Quote of the Day

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”
Corrie Ten Boom

The Hunger Busters

I went with Bruce to buy food for Second Harvest
on behalf of Google this morning - it was pretty awesome.
We got $300 cash to buy food at Costco.

My office is having a little 'competition' to collect canned food. We have four teams and since no one else volunteered, I am the team captain of Team 1 AKA The Hunger Busters.

The CEO stopped by my cubicle yesterday with concern that my team's barrel was lagging behind the others (to be fair, on one of the office floors we are in the lead!). He offered to match our team's donations for the next week to encourage us in our donations AND, if he judges us to be taking advantage of that match, he'll continue it through the end of the competition (December 30th).

If you have any brilliant ideas on how to increase donations, I'd love to hear them! Right now I'm going to each person's desk to personally plead with them to donate something.**

If you haven't had the opportunity to donate to your local food bank, or if you would like to donate even a dollar more to the Second Harvest Food Bank, you can take advantage of my CEO's match by donating on behalf of my team! (Don't worry, he WANTS this to go beyond the employees.)

How to donate funds online:
o Go to www.VirtualHarvest.net
o Choose: Companies - under 250 employees
o Choose: Intacct Corporation
o Choose: Hunger Busters

** So, you might say, why do you care so much? You love the food bank? You love winning? Well, yes, but also I know the CEO will heckle me all year long if I fail. Ouch.

Quote of the Day

“Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.”
William Barclay

The debut of the shelves!

Read Bruce's blog post about it here.

yessssss

Bruce and I finished the shelves last night & put them up - they are the most attractive shelves I've ever seen. I'll post pictures as soon as I get them.

Meanwhile, one of the most unusual wedding gifts Bruce and I got were a set of spices from The Savory Spice Shop -- and I love them! It was fun to get both gifts from our registry as well as things we didn't even know we needed / wanted. This is the set we received.

Do You Believe in Magic?

 For our family it happens every Thanksgiving.

This is where the magic happens:

Recipe here.

And this little guy ate about half of it in between hunting ghost(es) of the striped, paisley, houndsteeth, and seersucking varieties.

Introducing: Our Apartment

So, for the second time in my life, I live with a man.* And I feel that I should tell you that we live on the street of ROCK.

As awesome as it is living our rock and roll lifestyle, it has been a herculean effort getting our apartment in order. In fact, the kitchen is the only room that I'm going to show pictures of today. Mostly because it's the only place where we have won the battle of the boxes. Everything is unpacked and everything is in order. The only things we have left to do are to get a mat for in front of the sink (getting that at Target today) and to finish painting and mounting our custom-made, er, home-made spice shelves. (Which Bruce and I are ridiculously giddy about. I'm sure I'll post it later. hehe.)

My sister-in-law Amanda asked me in my last post if we have a kitchen color, which question inspired this post. I am going to answer in pictures. The answer is yes. Er, I mean no.

Introducing, Our Kitchen

This is me greeting you from the kitchen when you walk in the door. That is, the front entry is in the far left. You can see the dried orange chinese lanterns I mentioned yesterday on the table with some clementines and, yes, some half eaten brownies. Thank you, Ghirardelli.

We use the bookshelf on the left for storage of most of our serving dishes since we have almost no cupboard space in the actual kitchen. I LOVE the red clock and still haven't sleuthed out who sent it to us as a wedding gift. I'm trying to bully Bed Bath and Beyond into telling us since they are the ones who neglected to include a packing slip... Regardless, I am delighted with it and its currently undisclosed donor.

 

I forgot to take a picture of the actual cooking area... sorry. But as consolation here is a close-up of one of our more attractive cupboards. We didn't go for any special china or place settings, but just did bright, happy colors. I already owned the bowls and my sister thrifted the orange juice pitcher for us. Did everyone have one of these in the 70s / 80s? Our family did :)

Over the sink is the stained glass that Bruce made in our stained glass with Tom Stanton & Holy City Art Glass this fall. We LOVED the class and as you can see, Bruce is good (he's soldered before).

My magnet collection is on full display on our refrigerator. Poor Bruce. There's always some 'surprises' they say when you get married. This was one of them. hehehe. (He admits, however, that he likes the strawberry. Everyone does. It looks real!)

And, of course, I brought my little salt & pepper shakers. Love these little guys.

They reside over the stove. Just above their heads is where we're going to mount our spice shelves when they're completed. (Hopefully this weekend).

That's the grand tour documented for posterity and the interwebs. Until next time!

love
kt


*When I graduated from college and moved into my first real apartment with my first real job, my older brother Gordon and I were roommates. So different from living with women, but not in a bad way. Just different. One thing I do like about living with a man is being the primary feminine influence in the home. So awesome.