A child said, What is the grass? by Walt Whitman

A child said, What is the grass? fetching it to me with full
hands;
How could I answer the child?. . . .I do not know what it
is any more than he.

I guess it must be the flag of my disposition, out of hopeful
green stuff woven.

Or I guess it is the handkerchief of the Lord,
A scented gift and remembrancer designedly dropped,
Bearing the owner's name someway in the corners, that we
may see and remark, and say Whose?

Or I guess the grass is itself a child. . . .the produced babe
of the vegetation.

Or I guess it is a uniform hieroglyphic,
And it means, Sprouting alike in broad zones and narrow
zones,
Growing among black folks as among white,
Kanuck, Tuckahoe, Congressman, Cuff, I give them the
same, I receive them the same.

And now it seems to me the beautiful uncut hair of graves.

Tenderly will I use you curling grass,
It may be you transpire from the breasts of young men,
It may be if I had known them I would have loved them;
It may be you are from old people and from women, and
from offspring taken soon out of their mother's laps,
And here you are the mother's laps.

This grass is very dark to be from the white heads of old
mothers,
Darker than the colorless beards of old men,
Dark to come from under the faint red roofs of mouths.

O I perceive after all so many uttering tongues!
And I perceive they do not come from the roofs of mouths
for nothing.

I wish I could translate the hints about the dead young men
and women,
And the hints about old men and mothers, and the offspring
taken soon out of their laps.

What do you think has become of the young and old men?
What do you think has become of the women and
children?

They are alive and well somewhere;
The smallest sprouts show there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait
at the end to arrest it,
And ceased the moment life appeared.

All goes onward and outward. . . .and nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and
luckier.

Crowning by Kevin Young

{I know that this post is late, but my sister is going into early labor and so I've been helping her with her 2-year-old and I'm headed to my older brother's MBA graduation today, so needless to say: I'm behind!}

Now that knowing means nothing,
now that you are more born
than being, more awake
than awaited, since I’ve seen
your hair deep inside mother,
a glimpse, grass in late
winter, early spring, watching
your mother’s pursed, throbbing,
purpled power, her pushing
you for one whole hour, two,
almost three, almost out,
maybe never, animal smell
and peat, breath and sweat
and mulch-matter, and at once
you descend, or drive, are driven
by mother’s body, by her will
and brilliance, by bowel,
by wanting and your hair
peering as if it could see, and I saw
you storming forth,
taproot, your cap of hair half
in, half out, and wait, hold
it there, the doctors say, and
she squeezing my hand, her face
full of fire, then groaning your face
out like a flower, blood-bloom,
crocussed into air, shoulders
and the long cord still rooting
you to each other, to the other
world, into this afterlife
among us living, the cord
I cut like an iris, pulsing,
then you wet against mother’s chest
still purple, not blue, not yet
red, no cry,
warming now, now opening
your eyes midnight
blue in the blue-black dawn.

Rain Light by WS Merwin

All day the stars watch from long ago
my mother said I am going now
when you are alone you will be all right
whether or not you know you will know
look at the old house in the dawn rain
all the flowers are forms of water
the sun reminds them through a white cloud
touches the patchwork spread on the hill
the washed colors of the afterlife
that lived there long before you were born
see how they wake without a question
even though the whole world is burning

Making the House Ready for the Lord by Mary Oliver

Dear Lord, I have slept and I have washed but
still nothing is as shining as it should be
for you. Under the sink, for example, is an
uproar of mice - it is the season of their
many children. What shall I do? And under the eaves
and through the walls the squirrels
have gnawed their ragged entrances - but it is the season
when they need shelter, so what shall I do? And
the raccoon limps into the kitchen and opens the cupboard
while the dog snores, the cat hugs the pillow;
What shall I do? Beautiful is the new snow falling
in the yard and the fox who is staring boldly
up the path, to the door. And still I believe you will
come, Lord: you will, when I speak to the fox,
the sparrow, the lost dog, the shivering sea-goose, know
that really I am speaking to you whenever I say,
as I do all morning and afternoon: Come in, Come in.

it may not always be so; and i say by EE Cummings

it may not always be so; and i say
that if your lips, which i have loved, should touch
another's, and your dear strong fingers clutch
his heart, as mine in time not far away;
if on another's face your sweet hair lay
in such a silence as i know, or such
great writhing words as, uttering overmuch,
stand helplessly before the spirit at bay;

if this should be, i say if this should be -
you of my heart, send me a little word;
that i may go unto him, and take his hands,
saying, Accept all happiness from me.
Then shall i turn my face, and hear one bird
sing terribly afar in the lost lands.

I Do Not Love You by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

The Meyer Lemon by Laura Russon Hansen

mystery, texture
makes you want to pucker up
you are like this fruit

{This poem was presented to my roommate Ashli and me on the occasion of our birthdays in 2009}

Not Easily by Jack Gilbert

When we get beyond beauty and pleasure,
to the other side of the heart (but short
of the spirit), we are confused about what
to do next. It is too easy to say arriving
is enough. To pretend the music
of the mountain needs only to be heard.
That the dance is known by the dancing,
and the lasagne is realized by eating it.
Not in this place on the other side
of desire. We can swim in the Aegean,
but we can't take it home. A man finds
a melon by the road and continues up
the hill thinking it is the warm melon
that will remain after he has forgotten
the ruins and sea of the summer. He tells
himself this even as the idea of the taste
is replacing what the melon tasted like.

Falling: The Code by Li-Young Lee

1.
Through the night
the apples
outside my window
one by one let go
their branches and
drop to the lawn.
I can't see, but hear
the stem-snap, the plummet
through leaves, then
the final thump against the ground.

Sometimes two
at once, or one
right after another.
During long moments of silence
I wait
and wonder about the bruised bodies,
the terror of diving through air, and
think I'll go tomorrow
to find the newly fallen, but they
all look alike lying there
dewsoaked, disappearing before me.

2.
I lie beneath my window listening
to the sound of apples dropping in

the yard, a syncopated code I long to know,
which continues even as I sleep, and dream I know

the meaning of what I hear, each dull
thud of unseen apple-

body, the earth
falling to earth

once and forever, over
and over.

who knows if the moon's by EE Cummings

who knows if the moon's
a balloon,coming out of a keen city
in the sky-filled with pretty people?
(and if you and i should

get into it,if they
should take me and take you into their balloon,
why then
we'd go up higher with all the pretty people

than houses and steeples and clouds:
go sailing
away and away sailing into a keen
city which nobody's ever visited,where

always
it's
Spring)and everyone's
in love and flowers pick themselves

Isaiah 61:1-4

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.
And they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations.

I love this passage! All teaching and preaching should be directed by the Spirit and should be focused on healing, joy and comfort. I especially love the focus on exchanging joy for mourning. That where we have ashes, mourning, and the spirit of heaviness, we may receive beauty, the oil of joy, and the garment of praise.

Beauty, joy, praise - these are tools of nurturing. How appropriate it is that the image then is used of trees of righteousness, "the planting of the Lord." Truly we are the Lord's "pleasant plant" (Isaiah 5:7) and it is with these gifts that we flourish when we are children, and why not as adults?

i thank You God for most this amazing by EE Cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

Every Day is Monday by Ogden Nash

Monday is the day that everything starts all over again,
Monday is the day when just as you are beginning to feel peaceful you have to get up and get dressed and put on your old gray bonnet and drive down to Dover again,
It is the day when life becomes grotesque again,
Because it is the day when you have to face your desk again;
When the telephone rings on Saturday or Sunday you are pleased because it probably means something pleasing and you take the call with agility,
But when it rings on any other day it just usually means some additional responsibility,
And if in doubt,
Why the best thing to do is to answer it in a foreign accent or if you are a foreigner answer it in a native accent and say you are out.
Oh, there is not a week-day moment that can't wring a sigh from you,
Because you are always being confronted with people who want to sell you something, or if they don't want to sell you something, there is something they want to buy from you,
And every shining hour swaggers arrogantly up to you demanding to be improved,
And apparently not only to improve it, but also to shine it, is what you are behooved.
Oh for a remedy, oh for a panacea, oh for a something, oh yes, oh for a coma or swoon,
Yes indeed, oh for a coma that would last from nine A.M. on Monday until Saturday noon.

After Love by Jack Gilbert

He is watching the music with his eyes closed.
Hearing the piano like a man moving
through the woods thinking by feeling.
The orchestra up in the trees, the heart below,
step by step. The music hurrying sometimes,
but always returning to quiet, like the man
remembering and hoping. It is a thing in us,
mostly unnoticed. There is somehow a pleasure
in the loss. In the yearning. The pain
going this way and that. Never again.
Never bodied again. Again the never.
Slowly. No undergrowth. Almost leaving.
A humming beauty in the silence.
The having been. Having had. And the man
knowing all of him will come to the end.

Marriage by Lawrence Raab

Years later they find themselves talking
about chances, moments when their lives
might have swerved off
for the smallest reason.
What if
I hadn’t phoned, he says, that morning?
What if you’d been out,
as you were when I tried three times
the night before?
Then she tells him a secret.
She’d been there all evening, and she knew
he was the one calling, which was why
she hadn’t answered.
Because she felt—
because she was certain—her life would change
if she picked up the phone, said hello,
said, I was just thinking
of you.
I was afraid,
she tells him. And in the morning
I also knew it was you, but I just
answered the phone
the way anyone
answers a phone when it starts to ring,
not thinking you have a choice.

Oda a la Tormenta (Ode to the Storm) by Pablo Neruda

{Spanish here.}

Last night
she
came,
livid,
night-blue,
wine-red :
the tempest
with her
hair of water,
eyes of cold fire -
last night she wanted
to sleep on earth.
She came all of a sudden
newly unleashed
out of her furious planet,
her cavern in the sky;
she longed for sleep
and made her bed :
sweeping jungles and highways,
sweeping mountains,
washing ocean stones,
and then
as if they were feathers,
ravaging pine trees
to make her bed.
She shook the lightning
from her quiver of fire,
dropped thunderclaps
like great barrels.
All of a sudden
there was silence :
a single leaf
gliding on air
like a flying violin -
then,
before
it touched the earth,
you took it
in your hands, great storm,
put all the winds to work
blowing their horns,
set the whole night
galloping with its horses,
all the ice whistling,
the wild
trees
groaning in misery
like prisoners,
the earth
moaning, a woman
giving birth,
in a single blow
you blotted out
the noise of grass
or stars,
tore
the numbed silence
like a handkerchief -
the world filled
with sound, fury, and fire,
and when the lightning flashes
fell like hair
from your shining forehead,
fell like swords
from your warrior's belt
and when we were about to think
that the world was ending,
then,
rain,
rain,
only
rain,
all earth, all
sky,
at rest,
the night
fell, bleeding to death
on human sleep,
nothing but rain,
water
of time and sky :
nothing had fallen
except a broken branch,
an empty nest.

With your musical
fingers,
with your hell-roar,
your fire
of volcanoes at night,
you played
at lifting a leaf,
gave strength to rivers,
taught
men
to be men,
the weak to fear,
the tender to cry,
the windows
to rattle -
but
when
you prepared to destroy us, when
like a dagger
fury fell from the sky,
when all the light
and shadow trembled
and the pines devoured
themselves howling
on the edge of the midnight sea,
you, delicate storm,
my beloved,
wild as you were,
did us no wrong :
but returned
to your star
and rain,
green rain,
rain full
of dreams and seeds,
mother
of harvests
rain,
world-washing rain,
draining it,
making it new,
rain for us
and for seeds,
rain
for the forgetting
of the dead
and for
tomorrow's bread -
only the rain
you left behind,
water and music,
for this,
I love you
storm,
speak to me,
return,
awaken me,
illuminate me,
show me your path
so that the strong
and stormy voice of a man
may join and sing your song with you.

The Weight of Sweetness by Li-Young Lee

No easy thing to bear, the weight of sweetness.

Song, wisdom, sadness, joy: sweetness
equals three of any of these gravities.

See a peach bend
the branch and strain the stem until
it snaps.
Hold the peach, try the weight, sweetness
and death so round and snug
in your palm.
And, so, there is
the weight of memory:

Windblown, a rain-soaked
bough shakes, showering
the man and the boy.
They shiver in delight,
and the father lifts from his son's cheek
one green leaf
fallen like a kiss.

The good boy hugs a bag of peaches
his father has entrusted
to him.
Now he follows
his father, who carries a bagful in each arm.
See the look on the boy's face
as his father moves
faster and farther ahead, while his own steps
flag, and his arms grow weak, as he labors
under the weight
of peaches.

Doesn't Every Poet Write a Poem about Unrequited Love? by Mary Oliver

The flowers
  I wanted to bring to you,
    wild and wet
      from the pale dunes

and still smelling
  of the summer night,
    and still holding a moment or two
      of the night cricket's

humble prayer,
  would have been
    so handsome
      in your hands -

so happy - I dare to say it -
  in your hands -
    yet your smile
      would have been nowhere

and maybe you would have tossed them
  onto the ground,
    or maybe, for tenderness,
      you would have taken them

into your house
  and given them water
    and put them in a dark corner
      out of reach.

In matters of love
  of this kind
    there are things we long to do
      but must not do.

I would not want to see
  your smile diminished.
    And the flowers, anyway,
      are happy just where they are,

on the pale dunes,
  above the cricket's humble nest,
    under the blue sky
      that loves us all.

Waiting and Finding by Jack Gilbert

While he was in kindergarten, everybody wanted to play
the tomtoms when it came time for that. You had to
run in order to get there first, and he would not.
So he always had a triangle. He does not remember
how they played the tomtoms, but he sees clearly
their Chinese look. Red with dragons front and back
and gold studs around that held the drumhead tight.
If you had a triangle, you didn’t really make music.
You mostly waited while the tambourines and tomtoms
went on a long time. Until there was a signal for all
triangle people to hit them the right way. Usually once.
Then it was tomtoms and waiting some more. But what
he remembers is the sound of the triangle. A perfect,
shimmering sound that has lasted all his long life.
Fading out and coming again after a while. Getting lost
and the waiting for it to come again. Waiting meaning
without things. Meaning love sometimes dying out,
sometimes being taken away. Meaning that often he lives
silent in the middle of the world’s music. Waiting
for the best to come again. Beginning to hear the silence
as he waits. Beginning to like the silence maybe too much.

Bergen, Norway

I'm going to visit my dear friends Inki & Robert who live in Bergen, Norway in May and I was just looking at flikr sets getting excited. I thought I would make a mosaic and show you where I will be on May 15th!

On His Blindness by Milton

When I consider how my light is spent,
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
“Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
I fondly ask; But patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear His mild yoke, they serve Him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at His bidding speed
And post o’er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.”

Personal Revelation (Part 3)

And what does God want to reveal to us?

Confirmation of testimonies born to you

• "Being filled with the Holy Ghost, which beareth record of the Father and the Son" - Moses 1:24
• "[Alma] believed the words which Abinadi had spoken" Mosiah 16:2
• "If he will bow down before me, and humble himself in mighty prayer and faith, in the sincerity of heart, then will I grant unto him a view of the things which he desires to see." D&C 5:24
  
• "the Spirit cried witha loud voice, saying ... blessed art thou, Nephi, because thou believest in the Son of the most high God; wherefore, thou shalt behold the things which thou hast desired." 1 Nephi 11:6

When others bear witness of truth to us (written or spoken), we can receive revelation from God that what they have said is true. Whether this is in the moment of their testimony or in the private moments of prayer, we can receive that confirmation for ourselves.

April: National Poetry Month

In honour of National Poetry Month, I am going to take up the extremely grand effort of posting one poem each day for the month of April (!)*

I know this is pretty ambitious, and for those of you who are not as excited about the poems I post, I will make a special effort to write other types of posts.

Please feel free to share a favorite poem and I'll post it (if I like it haha)! you can email them to me at frannykt (at) gmail

love
kt

*I'll be backposting through April 1st so that we've got one for each day of the month.

The History of Forgetting by Lawrence Raab

When Adam and Eve lived in the garden
they hadn't yet learned how to forget.
For them every day was the same day.
Flowers opened, then closed.
They went where the light told them to go.
They slept when it left, and did not dream.

What could they have remembered,
who had never been children? Sometimes
Adam felt a soreness in his side,
but if this was pain it didn't appear
to require a name, or suggest the idea
that anything else might be taken away.
The bright flowers unfolded,
swayed in the breeze.

It was the snake, of course, who knew
about the past—that such a place could exist.
He understood how people would yearn
for whatever they'd lost, and so to survive
they'd need to forget. Soon
the garden will be gone, the snake
thought, and in time God himself.

These were the last days—Adam and Eve
tending the luxurious plants, the snake
watching from above. He knew
what had to happen next, how persuasive
was the taste of that apple. And then
the history of forgetting would begin—
not at the moment of their leaving,
but the first time they looked back.

Gethsemane by Mary Oliver

The grass never sleeps.
Or the roses.
Nor does the lily have a secret eye that shuts until morning.
Jesus said, wait with me. But the disciples slept.
The cricket has such splendid fringe on its feet,
and it sings, have you noticed, with its whole body,
and heaven knows if it ever sleeps.
Jesus said, wait with me. And maybe the stars did, maybe
the wind wound itself into a silver tree, and didn't move,
maybe,
the lake far away, where once he walked as on a
blue pavement,
lay still and waited, wild awake.
Oh the dear bodies, slumped and eye-shut, that could not
keep that vigil, how they must have wept,
so utterly human, knowing this too
must be a part of the story.

I looooove cookies

Hope is a Tattered Flag by Carl Sandburg

via Reija

Hope is a tattered flag and a dream of time.
Hope is a heartspun word, the rainbow, the shadblow in white
The evening star inviolable over the coal mines,
The shimmer of northern lights across a bitter winter night,
The blue hills beyond the smoke of the steel works,
The birds who go on singing to their mates in peace, war, peace,
The ten-cent crocus bulb blooming in a used-car salesroom,
The horseshoe over the door, the luckpiece in the pocket,
The kiss and the comforting laugh and resolve—
Hope is an echo, hope ties itself yonder, yonder.
The spring grass showing itself where least expected,
The rolling fluff of white clouds on a changeable sky,
The broadcast of strings from Japan, bells from Moscow,
Of the voice of the prime minister of Sweden carried
Across the sea in behalf of a world family of nations
And children singing chorals of the Christ child
And Bach being broadcast from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
And tall skyscrapers practically empty of tenants
And the hands of strong men groping for handholds
And the Salvation Army singing God loves us...

This is Love by Rumi

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky,
to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.
First, to let go of live.
In the end, to take a step without feet;
to regard this world as invisible,
and to disregard what appears to be the self.

Heart, I said, what a gift it has been
to enter this circle of lovers,
to see beyond seeing itself,
to reach and feel within the breast.

A Word on Wind by Ogden Nash

Cows go around saying Moo,
But the wind goes around saying Woooo.
Ghosts say Woooo to you, too,
But everybody has heard the wind and few people have heard a ghost,
So it is commonly supposed that the wind says Woooo the most.
Scientists try to tell us that wind is caused by atmospheric conditions at the North Pole or over distant Canadian ranches,
But I guess scientists don't ever get to the country because everybody who has ever been in the country knows that wind is caused by the trees waggling their branches.
On the ocean, where there are no trees, they refer to the wind as gales,
And it is probably caused by whales,
And in the Sahara, where there are no trees or whales either, they call the wind simoom or something,
And it is the result of the profanation of Tutankhamen's tomb or something.
Ill winds blow nobody good and they also blow new hats into mud puddles and voracious clouds of mosquitoes into propinquity with your hide,
And they make your cigarette burn down on just one side.
Some people are very refined,
And when they recite poetry or sing songs they pronounce wind, wined.
Well, dear wined, every time you say Wooooo,
Why I wish you would say it to people who say wined, right after you have said it somewhere where somebody is making fertilizer or glue.

Personal Revelation (Part 2)

And what does God want to reveal to us?

That you are a child of God, that He loves you and knows you by name.

• Abraham, Enoch, Moses, Enos, Joseph Smith, all addressed by name.
• "I am the Lord God Almighty ... and, behold, thou art my son..." (Moses 1:3-4)
• "Enoch, my son ..." (Moses 6:27)
• "Behold, thou art Hyrum, my son..." (D&C 11:23)
• "And the Lord came, and stood, and called as at other times, Samuel, Samuel. Then Samuel answered, Speak; for thy servant heareth." (1 Samuel 3:10)
• "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)
• "Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands.. Unto [them] have I said that they should love one another and that they should choose me, their Father." (Moses 7:32-33)

God knows your name and mine and one of the ways you can know you are receiving personal revelation is when you feel His love and know that He knows you by name.

KT in Japan (?)

I installed gears on my PC so that it would automatically communicate my location to Google Latitude.

Today, when I logged on to Google Latitude, instead of San Mateo, my location was:



Nagoya, Aichi
Japan

(awesome!)

a day in the life

Personal Revelation (Part 1)

This weekend I taught a workshop on Personal Revelation in my stake Relief Society's Women's Conference. Since I am not an expert on personal revelation, I spent quite a bit of time studying to prepare. What follows are my notes:

1) What is Personal Revelation?
"Communication from God to the individual"

2) What is the purpose of Personal Revelation? Or, in other words, why should God communicate to the individual?
Personal revelation allows us to not be overcome and to not be deceived - it gives us light, truth, and unshakeable faith.

• All victory and glory is brought to pass unto you through your diligence, faithfulness, and prayers of faith. - D&C 103:36
• Put your trust in that Spirit, which leadeth to do good -- yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously: and this is my spirit. ...I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind. Which shall fill your soul with joy; and then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive. - D&C 11:12-14

Rather than thinking of what you want God to reveal, consider what God wants to reveal to you.

• He that asketh in the Spirit asketh according to the will of God. - D&C 46:30
• Desiring to be a greater follower of righteousness, and to posses a greater knowledge ... and desiring to receive instructions, and to keep the commandments of God. - Abraham 1:2
• Nevertheless, after much tribulation, the Lord did hear my cries, and did answer my prayers, and has made me an instrument in his hands - Mosiah 23:10
• Why has your moral agency been given to you? Only to live a pleasurable life and to make choices to do the things you want to do? Or is there a more fundamental reason—to be able to make the choices that will lead you to fully implement your purpose for being here on earth and to establish priorities in your life that will assure the development and happiness the Lord wants you to receive. - Richard G. Scott
  
• Wherefore, enter ye in at the gate, as I have commanded, and seek not to counsel your God - D&C 22:4

3) And what does God want to reveal to us?
Stay tuned and I'll address each of these in separate posts.

KT loves the Temple

For those of you who don't know, I work / volunteer at my church's temple in Oakland on Wednesdays (4pm-10pm shift). You can learn more about why we build and worship at temples here (and why I love to work there!):

Starlight by Philip Levine

My father stands in the warm evening
on the porch of my first house.
I am four years old and growing tired.
I see his head among the stars,
the glow of his cigarette, redder
than the summer moon riding
low over the old neighborhood. We
are alone, and he asks me if I am happy.
"Are you happy?" I cannot answer
I do not really understand the word,
and the voice, my father's voice, is not
his voice, but somehow thick and choked,
a voice I have not heard before, but
heard often since. He bends and passes
a thumb beneath each of my eyes.
The cigarette is gone, but I can smell
the tiredness that hangs on his breath.
He has found nothing, and he smiles
and holds my head with both his hands.
Then he lifts me to his shoulder,
and now I too am there among the stars,
as tall as he. Are you happy? I say.
He nods in answer, Yes! oh yes! oh yes!
And in that new voice he says nothing,
holding my head tight against his head,
his eyes closed up against the starlight,
as though those tiny blinking eyes
of light might find a tall, gaunt child
holding his child against the promises
of autumn, until the boy slept
never to waken in that world again.

Isaiah 49:22

They shall bring thy sons in their arms, and thy daughters shall be carried upon their shoulders.

How to Love the Dead by Jack Gilbert

She lives, the bird says, and means nothing

silly. She is dead and available,

the fox says, knowing about the spirits.

Not the picture at the funeral,

not the object of grieving. She is dead

and you can have that, he says. If you can

love without politeness or delicacy,

the fox says, love her with your wolf heart.

As the dead are to be desired.

Not the way long marriages are,

nothing happening again and again.

Not in the woods or in the fields.

Not in the cities. The painful love of being

permanently unhoused. Not color, but the stain.

The Bread and the Knife by Billy Collins

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter, or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.
I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.

But don't worry,
I'm not the bread and the knife.

You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.

Failing and Falling by Jack Gilbert

Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew.
It's the same when love comes to an end,
or the marriage fails and people say
they knew it was a mistake, that everybody
said it would never work. That she was
old enough to know better. But anything
worth doing is worth doing badly.
Like being there by that summer ocean
on the other side of the island while
love was fading out of her, the stars
burning so extravagantly those nights that
anyone could tell you they would never last.
Every morning she was asleep in my bed
like a visitation, the gentleness in her
like antelope standing in the dawn mist.
Each afternoon I watched her coming back
through the hot stony field after swimming,
the sea light behind her and the huge sky
on the other side of that. Listened to her
while we ate lunch. How can they say
the marriage failed? Like the people who
came back from Provence (when it was Provence)
and said it was pretty but the food was greasy.
I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell,
but just coming to the end of his triumph.

Abraham 3:17

There is nothing that the Lord thy God shall take in his heart to do but what he will do it.

Stress Buster #52

Have an optimistic view of the world. Believe that most people are doing the best
they can.

Elder Milton R. Hunter once stressed that “the measure of a people’s happiness comes in proportion to the amount of love they have in their hearts for their fellowmen” (Conference Report, Oct. 1966, p. 39).

From the 1993 Ensign:

Judge not unrighteously. One of the most common human frailties is the urge to find fault with the actions of those around us. Visit a kindergarten class, and you’ll see children tattle with gusto. Visit a high school class, and you’ll see that young people no longer tattle, but they do criticize each other for even little things that go wrong. Visit an office, and you’ll see that the problem even exists among adults.

The Savior has given us some guidelines to follow:

“Judge not unrighteously, that ye be not judged: but judge righteous judgment.

“For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” (JST, Matt. 7:2–3.)

So, what is unrighteous judgment? Being critical of others’ shortcomings, mistakes, and weaknesses, or complaining about what others do or do not do.

What is righteous judgment? It is diligently watching for those things others do well and then openly and generously acknowledging those efforts. Allowing others their imperfections. Striving to positively influence all with whom you come in contact. It is also responding to your conscience and making wise decisions about right and wrong.

My love is a hundred pitchers of honey

RM sent me this for my birthday

You can read along here.

Braiding by Li-Young Lee

1.
We two sit on our bed, you
between my legs, your back to me, your head
slightly bowed, that I may brush and braid
your hair. My father
did this for my mother,
just as I do for you. One hand
holds the hem of your hair, the other
works the brush. Both hands climb
as the strokes grow
longer, until I use not only my wrists,
but my arms, then my shoulders, my whole body
rocking in a rower's rhythm, a lover's
even time, as the tangles are undone,
and brush and bare hand run the thick,
fluent length of your hair, whose wintry scent
comes, a faint, human musk.

2.
Last night the room was so cold
I dreamed we were in Pittsburgh again, where winter
persisted and we fell asleep in the last seat
of the 71 Negley, dark mornings going to work.
How I wish we didn't hate those years
while we lived them.
Those were days of books,
days of silences stacked high
as the ceiling of that great, dim hall
where we studied. I remember
the thick, oak tabletops, how cool
they felt against my face
when I lay my head down and slept.

3.
How long your hair has grown.

Gradually, December.

4.
There will come a day
one of us will have to imagine this: you,
after your bath, crosslegged on the bed, sleepy, patient,
while I braid your hair.

5.
Here, what's made, these braids, unmakes
itself in time, and must be made
again, within and against
time. So I braid
your hair each day.
My fingers gather, measure hair,
hook, pull and twist hair and hair.
Deft, quick, they plait,
weave, articulate lock and lock, to make
and make these braids, which point
the direction of my going, of all our continuous going.
And though what's made does not abide,
my making is steadfast, and, besides, there is a making
of which this making-in-time is just a part,
a making which abides
beyond the hands which rise in the combing,
the hands which fall in the braiding,
trailing hair in each stage of its unbraiding.

6.
Love, how the hours accumulate. Uncountable.
The trees grow tall, some people walk away
and diminish forever.
The damp pewter days slip around without warning
and we cross over one year and one year.

Quote of the Day

The more I think about it, the more I realize there is nothing more artistic than to love others.
Vincent van Gogh

via Mom

Sincerely by Naomi Shihab Nye

The envelope, usually white and slim,
bleached as a shell we might press to our ears,
or striped along its flying borders,
sometimes pink, or brown, or puffed,
having traveled that dark space
of slots and chutes and shelves and bags,
having lost faith of finding
either name written on it
ever again, rises out of Mario's hand
into my own. Or I come home
to find it sleeping
in the black box on the slim pole.

And I am rarely equal to it.

We are visited by strangers, saints.
We are visited by the impudent question.

Who holds the knife, the small blade
in a case carved like a fish?

This slicing, this fine rip,
opens a far world, a world apart,
and I try to take it in.

Cranking the creaky door of the heart.

1.

Thank you. The articles about raising children
arrived when my child was being very difficult
and then they vanished. I am certain
they will turn up and he will be
a good boy. In the meantime,
a page describing where one might purchase
Aloha clothing in the capital city of Texas.
Should you have a need. We think of you.

2.

I am sorry I did not answer for so long
but I have been writing to poets in 68 countries
asking to print their poems in the United States.

Yes I am fine. I used to be fine.
What about you?

Each overseas envelope costs 95 cents to mail.

If someone in a far-off country wanted to print your poem
would you say No? Think of the waves and wires
this envelope must cross. The mountains and muddles.

Actually I have no trouble
with poets, only with translators and publishers,
the great go-betweens. This task has come between me
and everything else I love. Can you be patient?

3.

You say you are leaving the island.
You sound very enthusiastic about leaving the island.
Since I left the island, all I care to think about
is the island.

It must be different for you.
You grew up there.
You wear the colors of the horizon inside your bruise.

You have lived on the cliff so long,
staring off to sea dreaming of what lies
on the other side; the big land, the gasp of
rumpled cities, the flush and certainty:
we are what is happening.

May you find it. In the meantime your island
stays lodged inside me, a mint
I turn over and over with my tongue for its endless
flavor.

4.

Thank you for the books you sent which connect
quite specifically to everything I have been thinking of
for the last 12 years.

How did you know this?

We barely met. We barely brushed one another
in the flood of comings-and-goings.

I tried to think of something to send in return
but kept being distracted
by the woolen doll on my desk from Chiapas,
her pigtails tied with pink yarn.

Do you want her? She wears a look of having been
recently startled.

5.

Sometimes a new sister comes forward, or a brother,
and the mouth opens on a hello so long and wide
whole countries live inside it.

Where were you yesterday?
Each corner and tree worth telling.

Now we will have to make letters shaped like kites,
flamboyant tails ripped from rainbow cotton
knotted together, flapping on the huge ache of breeze
that rides between.

Quote of the Day

God who has loved us into existence loves us into the power of loving our brethren. What is not perhaps so generally noticed is that he also loves us into the power of receiving agape (charity) both from himself and from others, for here we meet a quite unexpected obstacle. On the natural level we are full of hunger for our beloved, the hunger to receive family affection, erotic love, and friendship, and it might be expected that we similarly have a hunger to receive agape. But this is untrue. There is that in the heart of every man that resists and resents agape from his fellow creatures or even from his creator. We naturally want to be desired – to be found delightful, to satisfy worthily some hunger in others. To receive a love which is purely a gift, which bears witness solely to the lovingness of the giver and not at all to our loveliness, is a severe mortification. We desperately need to receive such love from God and even from our fellow creatures, but we don’t naturally want to. Our necessity and our wishes are in conflict.

No sooner do we believe God loves us than there is an impulse to believe that he does so not because of what he is, but because of what we are, because we are intrinsically loveable. It is so easy to admit, but so hard to really believe, but we are mirrors that so wholly are derived from the sun that shines on them surely, we think, we must have some inherent luminosity of our own.

As we are to God, so more obviously are we to our fellows. It is hard to bear agape from our fellows and yet each of us needs it. There is that in each of us that simply can’t be loved with natural love. Nobody can be expected to. Only the loveable can be naturally loved. Men can’t be asked to love rancid meat. It can be forgiven and pitied and loved with agape, but not otherwise. Every listener who has a good parent or wife or husband or child, may be sure that at times he is the recipient of agape, loved not because he is loveable, but because love itself is in the other party. This we must learn first to believe, then to endure, and then to delight in. And without guessing about it either. Such I conceive is the world of agape: a world of unbounded giving and unchained receiving where all blessed creatures need and know that they need nothing but God. And are therefore set free to love one another disinterestedly and so their love shall be like his, born neither of your need nor my deserving, but of plain bounty. I think those are drawing nearer to heaven who in this life find that they need men less and love men more. And delight more in being loved without being needed. For where agape is, there in some degree is heaven.

C S Lewis

Typical Email Thread

Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.

Stress Buster #36

Take a hot bath or shower (or a cool one in summertime) to relieve tension.

In the Jewish Encyclopedia:

“The real significance of the rite of Baptism can not be derived from the Levitical law; but it appears to have had its origin in Babylonian or ancient Semitic practise. As it was the special service administered by Elisha, as prophetic disciple to Elijah his master, to “pour out water upon his hands” (2 Kgs. 3:11), so did Elisha tell Naaman to bathe seven times in the Jordan, in order to recover from his leprosy (2 Kgs. 5). … This idea underlies the prophetic hope of the fountain of purity, which is to cleanse Israel from the spirit of impurity. (See Zech. 13:1; Ezek. 36:25; compare Isa. 4:4.) Thus it is expressed in unmistakable terms in the Mandean writings and teachings … that the living water in which man bathes is to cause his regeneration. For this reason does the writer of the fourth Sibylline Oracles, lines 160–66, … [write,] ‘Ye miserable mortals, repent; wash in living streams your entire frame with its burden of sin; lift to heaven your hands in prayer for forgiveness and cure yourselves of impiety by fear of God!’ This is what John the Baptist preached to the sinners that gathered around him on the Jordan; and herein lies the significance of the bath of every proselyte.” [The Jewish Encyclopedia (New York: Funk and Wagnalls Co., 1902), 2:5500.]

100 Things (1-27)

Rumor has it that if you write down goals you achieve them, and I've noted in a few places instances where people have written down life checklists. I am going to attempt to do the same here, but I'm only going to put 1-27 in honor my forthcoming birthday anniversary. I'm going to include major milestones that I accomplished in recent years in that age-old tradition of writing down tasks just so you can cross them off...

1. Graduate from college
2. Visit New York
3. Hear Joshua Bell perform
4. Visit Muir Woods
5. Receive my endowment
6. Work at the Temple
7. Visit Yosemite
8. Golf nine holes
9. Buy a condo / house
10. Learn how to cook an entire Thanksgiving meal
11. Get married in the Temple
12. Buy a car
13. Teach an Institute of Religion course
14. Read the entire Standard Works
15. Read Les Miserables
16. Visit Spain
17. Attend a live session at the Salt Lake Temple
18. Work in Spanish at the Temple
19. Give away a Book of Mormon
20. Hear Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto No. 2
21. Visit Paris
22. Earn an advanced degree
23. Run a 5k race
24. Visit Washington, D.C.
25. Paint a painting (watercolors or oils)
26. Serve a full-time mission
27. Visit Nauvoo

Quote of the Day

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning.
Louis L'Amour

Flikr Mosaics

Make your own by following Chris' directions here

Stress Buster #25

Create order out of chaos. Organize your home and workspace so that you always know exactly where things are. Put things away where they belong and you won't have to go through the stress of losing things.

Doctrine & Covenants 88:119:
Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;

2009: Less Stress

This year I'm going to focus on reducing stress (for reasons of health and sanity). I have a list of 52 Proven Stress Reducers that I got from Texas Woman's University, and since there are 52 weeks in the year (how convenient!) I'm going to highlight on one each week of this year. Since I didn't blog the last 2 weeks, I'll start with week 1 and 2 and since I'm a sucker for doctrine, I'll also give what I think is gospel support for each one.

Much love,
kt

ps I've backdated weeks 1 and 2 to the Monday of each week. I'll post weekly ones on Mondays going forward.

Doctrine & Covenants 75:3

Behold, I say unto you that it is my will that you should go forth and not tarry, neither be idle but labor with your might

Quote of the Day

Keep digging your well. Do not think of getting off from work. There is water there.
- Rumi

Quote of the Day

Lady Bracknell: Good afternoon, dear Algernon, I hope you are behaving very well.
Algernon: I’m feeling very well, Aunt Augusta.
Lady Bracknell: That’s not quite the same thing. In fact the two things rarely go together.
- Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

Quote of the Day

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. 

Robert Anderson

The day I wore pink tights

(9 November 2008)

It all began with the Nordstrom Half Yearly sale.

My commute home takes me right by Nordstrom at the Stanford Shopping Center and so I saw the signs clearly from the street. (I need new black tights, I said to myself, as I turned into the parking lot.)

Having found the black tights, I perused the stockings on sale. In addition to a pair in a lovely, deep shade of royal blue, a pair of hot pink opaque tights caught my eye.

My shoulder angel (which has red curls and looks striking similar to my recent roommate Reija) reminded me of last year's failure - when I came home in great excitement with purple tights, tried them on for all of my roommates, and returned them (unworn) on Monday. The concerns I had expressed then returned to my mind: "What will these tights convey to others about me?" "What will a-certain-dignified-man-of-past-romance think?" "You look an awful lot like the Wicked Witch of the West in purple and black..."

But this year, I was able to quickly dismiss these concerns. "These tights are pink, not purple." "You are, in the end, too frivolous for such a man." "You have been so very severe and sober with recent Prop 8 happenings, that it is important people know you have a personality. It would, in fact, be dishonest to NOT wear pink tights."

And because I strive to be a woman of integrity, I bought them.

And wore them.

To church.

For the first time in a few weeks, I arrived early so that I could sit down discreetly in my pew. The Bishop's wife sat next to me and appeared to be delighted with my tights. ("Do you like them?" I asked her daughter. She hesitated, and then I gave her the option of a thumbs up, a thumbs down, and a neutral. She gave me the neutral and confided apologetically, "I don't like pink.") Just before she left the meeting, the Bishop's wife passed me a note about a man she thought I should invite over for dinner. Win #1 for the pink tights! (And no, I have NOT asked him to dinner - I'm not that bold!)

At the close of the meetings, I chatted in the lobby with friends. A few of my peers complimented me on my tights and within a few minutes one of them (a young man) caught up with me and invited me to come over for dinner ("with just a group of us") that afternoon. I accepted demurely. Win #2 for the pink tights!

By the evening, however, I was ready to be back in my typical drab garb of black and navy. And so I returned from dinner at my parents' home (my 18-month-old nephew was in awe of my legs) and changed into a more understated outfit (but retained my 3" patent black pumps) before mingling with my ward at a new members' social.

In spite of my precautions, a few young men brought up my tights. "Tell me," one of them said. "What went through your head this morning? Did you wake up thinking, 'Today I'll wear pink tights'?" I enjoyed telling them about how it all came about - and expressed mild anxiety over whether it was appropriate, but that I had felt morally obligated to be consistent with my personality. "Oh no," the other young man said, "You were totally okay. And, of course, you had every man in the ward checking out your legs."

And that's when my face turned the color of my tights

(And here I assert what a good thing it was that I wasn't wearing them at the same time. That would have been Too Much.)

And so, in spite of their arguments to the contrary, I knew in that moment that I could never wear my pink tights to church again. For fear that I would be considered brazen. Yes, I resolved, from now on, I would live my life with a more modest tone.

But to wear them to a wedding reception? Now that is quite unexceptional.

1 John 2:15-17

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

--
This scripture is significant because in addition to giving a commandment, it explains the reasoning behind it - in this case why we should not love the world. I find it interesting that the passage does not underscore sin or wickedness (though it implicitly condemns them with words like "lust" and "pride"), but the final line seems to plead instead that love of the world is simply vanity. That worldly things are loved and relied upon and sought after in vain. Those things pass away and all of the efforts we give to them will have been to no purpose ("you mean all of that time/work/money was for nothing?!"). Love of and obedience to God, however, is not idleness, is not vanity, but is truly lasting and "abideth for ever."

Choose by Carl Sandburg

The single clenched fist lifted and ready,
Or the open asking hand held out and waiting.
Choose:
For we meet by one or the other.

The day my dad flat-ironed my hair

(A week ago last Saturday)

My father and I were on a walk and he looked at my hair critically. "KT," he said - yes, my father calls me KT -, "you should let me flat-iron your hair when we get back."

Yes, my father flat-irons. ("When your mother had shoulder surgery, I flat-ironed her hair for her. I'm good at it!")

It's important to note here that my mother arranged a bartering of services between my sister Laura and me when we were in the 8th and 5th grades respectively: I would tutor her in spelling and she would do my hair for school. I've never really known how to do it since. (Except with a banana clip.) When a religious authority recommended we ask loved ones what we can do to improve our appearance, my brother immediately brought up my hair.

And after our walk, my father did not forget. We ate, and then he flat-ironed my hair (I took notes).

And it looked amazing.

My hair had never looked better - I really didn't know my hair could even LOOK like that. My best friend from high school came over later and commented on my hair. My siblings commented on my hair. The next day at church I got comments. And every time someone said, "Your hair looks great! Did you do something different?" I glibly replied:

"Oh, do you like it? Yeah, my dad flat-ironed it."

Quote of the Day

Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. ~Mark Twain

She Tells Her Love while Half Asleep by Robert Graves

She tells her love while half asleep,
In the dark hours,
With half-words whispered low:
As Earth stirs in her winter sleep
And puts out grass and flowers
Despite the snow,
Despite the falling snow.

O, to take what we love inside

I have been positively giddy all week this week - as my brothers came in town (as well as a cousin!) and my entire family was together.  I admit I was surprised by the overpowering happiness I felt just in anticipating their arrival - no less in seeing them daily all week!

And then just yesterday I received news that a long-hoped for ambition is one step away from realization. At that point the giddiness subsided, and I started shining (a la Stardust).

All I can think of is this poem and how much I love it (still). It reminds me of Isaiah 58:11, 12:3, and Ezekiel 3:3. 

And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.

Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.

Then did I eat it; and it was in my mouth as honey for sweetness.

I hope that you enjoyed your week of family and feasting as much as I did :)

A Decade by Amy Lowell

When you came, you were like red wine and honey,
And the taste of you burnt my mouth with its sweetness.
Now you are like morning bread,
Smooth and pleasant.
I hardly taste you at all for I know your savour,
But I am completely nourished.

Quote of the Day

Despair, doom, and discouragement are not an acceptable view of life for a Latter-day Saint. However high on the charts they are on the hit parade of contemporary news, we must not walk on our lower lip every time a few difficult moments happen to confront us. There have always been some difficulties in mortal life and there always will be. But knowing what we know, and living as we are supposed to live, there really is no place, no excuse, for pessimism and despair.
H. W. Hunter

Quote of the Day

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
Mark Twain

You might be a Thomas if...

KT: EVERYONE likes us
effortlessly
Gordon: hehe
'cept for the people who don't
but yeah
KT: uh I don't know those people
Gordon: haha
those people don't matter
KT: right
exactly

My favorite YouTube video of all time

Press Release: The Rumors are True

My sister is expecting #2

=)

Adam's Curse by William Butler Yeats

We sat together at one summer's end,
That beautiful mild woman, your close friend,
And you and I, and talked of poetry.
I said, 'A line will take us hours maybe;
Yet if it does not seem a moment's thought,
Our stitching and unstitching has been naught.
Better go down upon your marrow-bones
And scrub a kitchen pavement, or break stones
Like an old pauper, in all kinds of weather;
For to articulate sweet sounds together
Is to work harder than all these, and yet
Be thought an idler by the noisy set
Of bankers, schoolmasters, and clergymen
The martyrs call the world.'

........ And thereupon
That beautiful mild woman for whose sake
There's many a one shall find out all heartache
On finding that her voice is sweet and low
Replied, 'To be born woman is to know --
Although they do not talk of it at school --
That we must labour to be beautiful.'

I said, 'It's certain there is no fine thing
Since Adam's fall but needs much labouring.
There have been lovers who thought love should be
So much compounded of high courtesy
That they would sigh and quote with learned looks
precedents out of beautiful old books;
Yet now it seems an idle trade enough.'

We sat grown quiet at the name of love;
We saw the last embers of daylight die,
And in the trembling blue-green of the sky
A moon, worn as if it had been a shell
Washed by time's waters as they rose and fell
About the stars and broke in days and years.

I had a thought for no one's but your ears:
That you were beautiful, and that I strove
To love you in the old high way of love;
That it had all seemed happy, and yet we'd grown
As weary-hearted as that hollow moon.

Quote of the Day

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity.
Goethe

The Department of Louise

FYI, Obama called me and I delightedly accepted:

http://archive.deseretnews.com/archive/140875/ITS-91-AND-TIME-TO-UNVEIL-WHOLL-RUN-FOR-PRESIDENT.html

A few talking points

If, like me, you have friends who are incredibly hurt by what's happened in California, I have developed a few talking points to help foster understanding. I hope these are helpful:

Civil Rights
Everyone, regardless of race, gender, creed is allowed to marry – no one is withheld that right. It is the definition of what a marriage is that is in question, not who has the right to access it.

Church / State
I simply vote for what I believe is true, whether that is founded on religious beliefs or not, that is my moral obligation. I am not forcing my religious code on anyone by voting my conscience.

The Definition of Marriage
I believe that marriage = man + woman; that just as a man and a woman physically procreate, they socially marry. This belief can be held without any religious beliefs (though, in my case, all of my morals and values are founded on mine). My morals and values are not any less valid because they are religiously founded.

Quote of the Day

We are not enemies, but friends -- though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.
Abraham Lincoln, as quoted by Barack Obama.

Prop 8: Aftermath

Last night a friend of mine from High School updated her status to say:
"R is depressed that 52% of people in her state are evil."

Which prompted me to write the following:

Hey R,

I know we don't talk often, but I just wanted to respond to your status. I hope you don't really look upon all people who voted Yes on prop 8 as "evil." Clearly we all see this as a very difficult and emotional issue, but I do promise you that at least SOME of the people who voted yes on that issue care very much about their friends and their happiness, but simply feel a moral obligation to vote for things they see as true - not out of a desire to impose a "religious will" on anyone.

I hope this isn't offensive to you, I just wanted to give you insight from someone on the other side of the issue.

respectfully,
kt

R's Response:
Hi kt,
Thanks for the message, I appreciate it. I shouldn't have used the word "evil"... the emotions are just very strong still. While I feel like I understand that you feel that being gay is wrong/sinful/etc, I don't think I'll ever understand why a "moral obligation," as you put it, would drive people to fight to take civil rights away from others.

It parallels interracial marriage in every way. 50 years ago, it would be illegal for me to marry my now-husband. It would also mean I would not exist since my own parents wouldn't be allowed to marry either. So, this is a highly personal issue to me.

Even if someone thinks homosexuality is sinful, I don't understand the need to go out of your way to take rights away from them. This is the first time in our state's history that there will be an amendment to the constitution to REMOVE civil rights. Isn't that saying something? You can disagree w/someone's "lifestyle" yet recognize that it has no bearing on your own life/happiness/well-being. And also, aren't your morals tied to your religion? So if enforcing your morals on others isn't enforcing religious will, then what is it?

Had justices in the Loving v Virginia case not stood up for interracial marriage, who knows if I would have the same rights as you today. At the time, I'm guessing popular vote would have voted against allowing it, but with hindsight, I hope you'd agree that the right decision was made.

Happy to keep the conversation going... I respect you but just haven't heard a single convincing argument yet...

R

And my response:

R,

Thanks for your great response. I know there has been some ridiculous rhetoric thrown around, some of which L. corrected for me (in terms of how state laws differ, etc.). And, yes, you are correct that my morals are founded on my religion, but it is not a desire to force my religious "code" that drives this issue for me. I'll try to explain as best I can. Please feel free to pick this apart.

The best way to explain this is that I believe in a society with genders. I know that seems like an odd way to put it, but I believe that in the way the genders interact physically, emotionally, psychologically, etc. they are designed to be different (Even though, of course, like all populations, there are statistical variances to any generalized characteristics), and that these differences are desireable.

I do not see this as the same as interracial marriage, because this is an issue of gender to me. Whereas a white man and a black man are the same (with some genetic differences, obviously), a woman and a man are not (obviously, as mentioned before, there are some outlying variances statistically - but those are, statistically, exceptions). I read an article in the NYT this summer that seemed shocked that although women are just as capable as men in science, they are "just not interested" - further evidence to me that the brain, the body, and, I would contend, the spirit of the genders have fundamental differences. Again, I believe those differences have value. This is the foundation for why I believe marriage is only between a man and a woman.

I believe that the sexual relationship is a metaphor for the emotional relationship - that just as the two genders are designed to procreate physically in different, but complementary ways, they are designed to parent emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually in different, but complementary ways.

This does not mean that I don't think other individuals (single, in committed homosexual relationships, etc.) wouldn't make great parents. It also doesn't mean that the worst heterosexual relationship is better than the best homosexual relationship. Clearly that is not true. Even though I do not personally relate to homosexuality, I readily believe that the love these couples have is sincere and lasting. I absolutely trust that these couples sincerely love and desire each other.

I simply believe that God designed two genders to teach each other - in ways that are harder, sometimes, than it would be with someone of the same gender - and that there is truth, beauty, and importance in that design. That it is something physically, socially, psychologically, and spiritually worth promoting above all other relationships.

Because I believe this is true, I feel a moral obligation to support what I see as true in the laws that I support. It does not affect my respect for others' choices, nor does it affect my wishes for others' happiness.

I really appreciate your willingness to discuss the issue with me. I hope this makes sense, even though you may disagree.

Best
kt

ps - the article I mentioned is here:
and obviously it's a generalization that women "just aren't as interested" - because I have many girlfriends who are very talented and interested in the sciences, although most of them are just as interested (and talented) in the liberal arts as well.

Quote of the Day

Make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters, in the months and years ahead, events are likely to require each member to decide whether or not he will follow the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions. President Marion G. Romney said, many years ago, that he had 'never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional or political life.'

This is hard doctrine, but it is particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ. . . . Your discipleship may see the time when such religious convictions are discounted. . . . This new irreligious imperialism seeks to disallow certain opinions simply because those opinions grow out of religious convictions.

Resistance to abortion will be seen as primitive. Concern over the institution of the family will be viewed as untrendy and unenlightened.... Before the ultimate victory of the forces of righteousness, some skirmishes will be lost. Even in these, however, let us leave a record so that the choices are clear, letting others do as they will in the face of prophetic counsel. There will also be times, happily, when a minor defeat seems probable, but others will step forward, having been rallied to rightness by what we do. We will know the joy, on occasion, of having awakened a slumbering majority of the decent people of all races and creeds which was, till then, unconscious of itself. Jesus said that when the fig trees put forth their leaves, 'summer is nigh.' Thus warned that summer is upon us, let us not then complain of the heat.

Neal A. Maxwell

via Jocelyn

Vote

Quote of the Day

"You have your own life. You owe it to yourself and everyone around you to develop your philosophy. To examine why you think the things you do, and to withstand the praise and scorn of the diverse communities around you that can neither accept you nor reject you." iceowl

Rock the Vote

California Proposition 1
Abstract: California High Speed Rail Bond. S.B. 1856. (SF to LA)
My Vote: No
Comments: none

California Proposition 2
Abstract: Treatment of Farm Animals. Statute.
My Vote: No
Comments: Ambiguous terms of compliance, should be handled by the state legislature.

California Proposition 3
Abstract: Children's Hospital Bond Act. Grant Program. Statute.
My Vote: No
Comments: none

California Proposition 4
Abstract: Waiting Period and Parental Notification Before Termination of Minor's Pregnancy. Constitutional Amendment.
My Vote: Yes
Comments: consistent with other health codes dealing with minors, sensible provisions.

California Proposition 5
Abstract: Nonviolent Offenders. Sentencing, Parole and Rehabilitation. Statute.
My Vote: No
Comments: none

California Proposition 6
Abstract: Criminal Penalties and Laws. Public Safety Funding. Statute.
My Vote: Yes
Comments: none

California Proposition 7
Abstract: Renewable Energy. Statute.
My Vote: No
Comments: none

California Proposition 8
Abstract: Eliminates the Rights of Same-Sex Couples to Marry. Initiative Constitutional Amendment.
My Vote: Yes
Comments: Current laws provide civil rights to same-sex couples; marriage is a civic institution for supporting families, best promoted by promoting traditional marriage.

California Proposition 9
Abstract: Criminal Justice System. Victims' Rights. Parole. Constitutional Amendment and Statute.
My Vote: Undecided
Comments: Still studying.

California Proposition 10
Abstract: Alternative Fuel Vehicles and Renewable Energy. Statute.
My Vote: No
Comments: Rebates inflate the market price, with no value for the consumer.

California Proposition 11
Abstract: Redistricting. Constitutional Amendment and Statute.
My Vote: No
Comments: none

California Proposition 12
Abstract: Veterans' Bond Act of 2008. S.B. 1572.
My Vote: Yes
Comments: none

Palo Alto Measure N:
Abstract: Palo Alto library bond election, Measure N, 2008, $76 million.
My Vote: No
Comments: I would love to vote yes on a bond for palo alto libraries, but I think it could be more fiscally efficient.

iTunes Playlist

Under African Skies (Paul Simon)
The Tower of Learning (Rufus Wainwright)
You are the Sunshine of my Life (Stevie Wonder)
Simple Gifts (Yo-Yo Ma and Alison Krauss)
Is this How Love is Supposed to Feel (Ben Lee)
Into the Mystic (Van Morrison)
My Kindness Shall Not Depart from Thee (Rob Gardner / Spire Chorus)

Doctrine & Covenants 64:13

And this ye shall do that God may be glorified—not because ye forgive not, having not compassion, but that ye may be justified in the eyes of the law, that ye may not offend him who is your lawgiver.

Exodus 13:21-22

And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night: he took not away the pillar of the cloud by day, nor the pillar of fire by night, from before the people.

Quote of the Day

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
Mark Twain Adam, in Adam's Diary

prop 8 Q&A

Question:
OK. i just got off the phone with my mom and she was going off about prop 8 and signs being stolen, etc. i had her give me a run down of the day-to-day effects that prop 8 not passing would have. in other words, i see the principles involved, but if we're in favor of domestic partnerships having ALL the same rights and privileges as traditional marriages, then what difference does it make whether 8 passes?

the first thing she said was that churches could be sued for not marrying same sex couples. i asked zp about that and he said it was a red herring -- freedom of religion would prevent that from happening. my mom said she's read cases. i'm coming to you for the real scoop.

Answer:
Great question... and I have a long response :) - please feel free to pick it part

According to California law (http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/displaycode?section=fam&group=00001-01000&file=297-297.5) Registered Domestic Partners are given the same rights as married spouses. But although that code extends the privileges of spouses to domestic partners, it does not necessarily expand laws involving families or marriages to include domestic partnerships. For example, a requirement to teach children in public schools about marriage does not necessarily require that domestic partnerships be taught as well. That is one of the primary points that one of the more recent Yes on 8 ads makes and it is founded upon an experience by a couple in Massachusetts (where same-sex marriage is legal) - that opening this up will require that where marriage is used, it will need to include both heterosexul and well as homosexual marriages. So, while those against prop 8 argue that there is no impact to families, children, etc. of course that is not true.

Anywhere the term marriage is used in a law, then that law will clearly expand and change with this redefinition. This redefinition of marriage will affect existing laws referencing marriage and it will be a law that other laws will be founded upon. A precedent will be set and the interpretations that will follow may be quite far-reaching (as it will evolve over time and over generations). We can only speculate what its effects may be.

Now all of this, of course, means that there is indeed a legal distinction between the privileges of a marriage and those of a domestic partnership (as the Opposition truthfully states). Which then begs asking the following questions: Are the rights of domestic partnerships sufficient? Are the privileges of marriage a civil right? This is where the Yes on 8 would say yes - the domestic partnership is sufficient and no - the privileges of marriage are not a civil right. The No on 8 of course argues the opposite. I personally believe that some privileges (such as driving licenses and, yes, marriage licenses) are not rights, but are granted by the government according to standards in the community's best interest.

That is regarding the differences between the two. I have thoughts on freedom of religion, but I'll save that for later :)

kt

ps
The French National Assembly commissioned a study / report on this very issue and you can read the English abstract here:
http://www.preservemarriage.ca/docs/France%20-%20summary.pdf

Particularly interesting that a socially liberal European nation is more willing to thoughtfully study and research the issue before redefining social norms than the state of California is :) Instead we use judges and propositions to emotionally address social policy....

MIA: why

Traveling to this (where I saved these), then taking this to visit these relations, while traveling for business here.

Where I will be until weekend.

love
kt

Kunstkammer by Jack Gilbert

We are resident inside the machinery,
a glimmering spread throughout the apparatus.
We exist with a wind whispering inside
and our moon flexing. Amid the ducts,
inside the basilica of bones. The flesh
is a neighborhood, but not the life.
Our body is not good at memory, at keeping.
It is the spirit that holds on to our treasure.
The dusk in Italy when the ferry passed Bellagio
and turned across Lake Como in the hush to where
we would land and start up the grassy mountain.
The body keeps so little of the life after
being with her eleven years,
and the mouth not even that much. But the heart
is different. It never forgets
the pine trees with the moon rising behind them
every night. Again and again we put our
sweet ghosts on small paper boats and sailed
them back into their death, each moving slowly
into the dark, disappearing as our hearts
visited and savored, hurt and yearned.

Doctrine & Covenants 127:4

Let ... all the works which I have appointed unto you be continued on and not cease; and let your diligence, and your perseverance, and patience, and your works be redoubled, and you shall in nowise lose your reward, saith the Lord of Hosts. And if they persecute you, so persecuted they the prophets and righteous men that were before you. For all this there is a reward in heaven.

The Echo at Stanford

Tonight my dear friend Peachie and I went to the Echo on Stanford campus. The Echo is just north of MemChu and is a circle of stonework with an inlaid bench. At the foot of the bench, also in a circle is the following:

For the troubled may you find peace
For the despairing may you find hope
For the lonely may you find love
For the skeptical may you find faith

In the very center is a spot where you can stand and hear your voice echo.

Say You Love Me by Jack Gilbert

Are the angels of her bed the angels
who come near me along in mine?
Are the green trees in her window
the color I see in ripe plums?
If she always sees backward
and upside down without knowing it
what chance do we have? I am haunted
by the feeling that she is saying
melting lords of death, avalanches,
rivers and moments of passing through.
And I am replying, "Yes, yes.
Shoes and pudding."

Q&A: Prop 8

Question:
It bothered me last night when they said that civil unions already have the same civil rights as married couples because I don't believe that is true. I wanted to do some research on this and thought I would reach out to you to see if you know. It seems that, for example, you cannot jointly adopt if you are in a civil union (and you obviously can if you are married). I want to be sure on this point because while it won't change my stance, it does take away our credibility if we say things that aren't true. We are better off being honest about that. So, do you know about the difference in civil rights?

Answer:
So many laws include the word "marriage" - perhaps more than can possibly be collected in a summary list - which would of course not envelope civil unions. So, I would say that you are correct that civil unions are not technically the same as marriages in terms of legal benefits, etc. However, I believe that when it comes to civil rights (perhaps not civil benefits), it is not inaccurate to say that they are the same.

That being said, I agree with you in that I don't think that saying they are the same is an effective argument (since, technically it is not true). In terms of arguing this rationally, my recommendation is to challenge the opposition's current method of framing this as a civil rights issue, and instead perhaps discuss the concept of a license - and the concept of using legal and social policy to prohibit, permit, or promote behaviors. Since heterosexual married couples have consistently been identified as the ideal model for a family, it is sensible to retain it as the legal definition of marriage. It doesn't mean we prohibit or penalize other relationships, but we should promote the best (as outlined by social research, not necessarily religious beliefs, although in this case, they may be the same).

There is an excellent resource that the French National Assumbly published in line with this. France, a notably socially liberal country, has determined to maintain traditional marriage and civil unions (rather than promoting same-sex marriage) due to social research findings. It is worth re-emphasizing in discussions that this is a very emotional issue, but that as we look at other nation's examples, it is worth looking at research before hastily shaking up the social norms that have evolved through common law for perhaps good reason. I also often follow up a 1:1 discussion with my personal religious doctrinal beliefs about gender and marriage. I find most people respect them and do not disagree (even if they do not fully agree) with them.

News article on the French Report:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2006/feb/06021601.html
English Translation of the French Report:
http://www.preservemarriage.ca/docs/France%20-%20summary.pdf

I hope this is helpful,
kt

Quote of the Day

There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.
Homer

Let Love Be the Lodestar of Your Life by Gordon B. Hinckley

The Church is moving forward because it is true. It is growing because there is a broadening love for that truth. It is growing because of a love for God, a love for the Savior, a love for neighbor, and a strengthening spirit of love in the homes of the people. It is this love which is the great constant in all of our work. It stems from that love which is divine:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16.)

Love is like the Polar Star. In a changing world, it is a constant. It is of the very essence of the gospel. It is the security of the home. It is the safeguard of community life. It is a beacon of hope in a world of distress.

Great beyond comprehension is the love of God. He is our loving Eternal Father. Out of His love for us, He has given an eternal plan which, when followed, leads to exaltation in His kingdom. Out of His love for us, He sent His Firstborn into the world, who, out of His own divine love, gave Himself as a sacrifice for each of us. His was an incomparable gift of love to a world that largely spurned Him. He is our great exemplar. We should let love become the lodestar of our lives, with the absolute assurance that, because of the love of God our Eternal Father and His own beloved Son, our salvation from the bonds of death is sure and our opportunity for eternal exaltation is certain. Let that divine love, shed on us, be reflected from our lives onto others of our Father’s children.

It is not always easy to follow the Polar Star of love. It requires a discipline almost beyond the power of many to observe. I think it is the most difficult and also the most important of all commandments. But out of its observance comes a remarkable discipline and a refining influence that are wonderful to experience. It savors of the sweet, all-encompassing love of Christ.

Read the full talk here.

Interfaith Fast: October 12th (Sunday)

Please join an interfaith fast on Sunday, October 12th for California Proposition 8.

Whatever your professed faith may be, your faith and fasting can bring forth the powers of heaven. Please abstain from food and drink on Sunday, October 12th and please pray for a positive outcome for California's Proposition 8, that hearts may be softened, and that understanding and wisdom will prevail.

Vote your Conscience

I love this Catholic Vote video!

Provident Living: October

Seasonal Savings:

Produce:
cranberries
apples
pomegranates
grapes
sweet potatoes
pumpkins
winter squash
broccoli
spinach
lettuce

Other Food:
Canned fruits and vegetables
Dried fruits (raisins, apricots, cranberries)
Soups
Broth

Non-food:
Large appliances
Lawn mowers
Grills
Tires and other car care supplies