Great expectations

Bruce and I are expecting a baby in mid-June of next year. I feel pretty good, especially since I started a vitamin b6 / unisom regimen last week. We found out about the pregnancy the same week I achieved my 20 pound weight loss milestone, so it was a big week :)

We are really happy about the pregnancy. Our baby will have 4 cousins within 6 months of its birthday.  In fact, Bruce has a sister and an aunt due the same week that I am.

We expect that we'll find out whether the baby is a boy or girl sometime in the beginning of the new year. Stay tuned!

Happiness, or "human flourishing"

I've been reading two books on happiness lately and am enjoying both of them.

The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

I actually have already read the latter, but I enjoyed it so much I bought it recently. The former is a book from Bruce's book club so we've been reading it together.

I like that both books are very tactical and pragmatic. For instance, in The Happiness Advantage, we learn several proven activities that increase happiness, which are as follows (not a complete list):

1. Meditate daily
2. Always have something to look forward to
3. Perform 5 conscious (premeditated) acts of kindness daily
4. Spend 20 minutes outside in good weather (daily if possible)
5. Exercise
6. Spend money on experiences and gifts
7. Spend time with dogs (and other animals)

There are also several flavors of happiness. These can include:
Inspiration
Awe
Gratitude
Love
Joy
Serenity
Interest
Hope
Pride
Amusement

Basically, the goal is to have pleasure+engagement+meaning. We need to be contributing and creating with purpose. Also some pleasure must be derived to prevent burn out.

Post-Election Non-Political Thoughts

I am so glad the 2012 presidential election is over.  Perhaps not quite as relieved as I was when the 2008 election ended. At that time proposition 8 was on the ballot in California and I think I can safely say it was the most stressful time of my life. That being the case, I am grateful I experienced it as it forced me to acknowledge how things are a'changing in the world.

For one, I really do believe that the time of (relative) popularity for Mormons is past. I think Mormons have always been ridiculed a bit, don't get me wrong. When I first moved to California in high school, for instance, I definitely got jokes about "how many moms did I have?" etc. etc. However, when Mormons / Mormonism is discussed in the media, whatever the stance of an article's author, there is a lot of venom in the comments. There is also very real hurt in some of them (from former Mormons). I find it so painful to read them and I know it is useless to engage. These attitudes are becoming more common and I think that trend will continue.

And so Fall 2008 was when it occurred to me that I could no longer expect to be understood or, in some cases, respected, by my community and that I probably could never expect it again. I felt so isolated and discouraged by this idea. Like everyone else, I like to be understood, valued, and respected, and when I'm with individuals in person I am almost always accorded respect. But even at a friend's barbecue this last weekend I met with a polygamist joke in poor taste. The person could not have known I was a Mormon, I know it wasn't mean spirited at all, and yet...

When I think of the word persecution I think of stoning, mobs, tar & feathers; but I suppose the more modern, civilized society uses snarky and snide comments to achieve a similar end. I truly don't struggle with paying tithes, abstaining from alcohol, dressing modestly, etc. but I'll admit it is often hard to read cruel and demeaning comments on the Internet so full of contempt and willful misunderstanding.

Which brings me to the second truth I learned in Fall 2008. Not only do I need to get used to this reality, but it's an opportunity and an expectation from God that I submit and try to forgive these attitudes (while recognizing that I can't change them).

Let us here observe, that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation; for, from the first existence of man, the faith necessary unto the enjoyment of life and salvation never could be obtained without the sacrifice of all earthly things. It was through this sacrifice, and this only, that God has ordained that men should enjoy eternal life; and it is through the medium of the sacrifice of all earthly things that men do actually know that they are doing the things that are well pleasing in the sight of God. When a man has offered in sacrifice all that he has for the truth's sake, not even withholding his life, and believing before God that he has been called to make this sacrifice because he seeks to do his will, he does know, most assuredly, that God does and will accept his sacrifice and offering, and that he has not, nor will not seek his face in vain. Under these circumstances, then, he can obtain the faith necessary for him to lay hold on eternal life. (Joseph Smith, Lectures on Faith 6:7)

I can attest that the above is true within the small range of experience I have had. It was horribly painful for me to participate in the campaigning of proposition 8 for so many reasons. However, the intensity of that sacrifice did increase my faith.

I hope that I can have the strength to face the hard times ahead with courage and grace. To be kind and forgiving of others even while I am mocked and the things I hold sacred ridiculed. I am grateful for the MANY loyal friends I have who are not of my faith. Who, whatever their private opinions of my faith, treat me with respect and dignity. I have so many friends with that quality of character and I hope I never take them for granted! If you're reading this blog--know that I appreciate you!

2nd Anniversary & Disneyland

Happy anniversary to us! We celebrated 2 years last Tuesday and then promptly went to Disneyland the next day! I put a lot of pictures up on instagram you can find them with my username superawesomekt

Now that I am a full-time housewife, I am in charge of getting us ready for trips. It's really fun, actually, to do the laundry, packing, plan our food, etc. I spent Wednesday morning doing some final preparation (including some essential shopping at Banana Republic, of course!) and then picked up Bruce from work and away we went!

We arrived in good time in Anaheim (around 8:30pm) and we met up with Bruce's aunts and grandma in Disneyland the next day. Bruce and I wore our mouse ears faithfully and I had the corn dog I've been craving since 2009. Sadly, Indiana Jones was closed, but I went on every single ride I wanted to go on (with the exception of It's a Small World)

Disneyland at Halloween isn't nearly as cool as Disneyland at Christmas, but the weather was definitely better than our last trip (December 30th-ish - lots of cold rain + keds = misery for kt). We had so much fun with Bruce's family and also got to check out California Adventure for the first time. That being said, three days was perfect, and I wouldn't have wanted to spend any more time there :)

Highlights:

• Soarin' over California
• Riding Thunder Mountain Railroad at night
• Radiator Spring Racing (new Cars ride at California Adventure)
• Watching the World of Color (new light/water show at California Adventure)
• Corn Dogs
• High-fiving Easton (2 years old) about 20 times after he 'flew' the rockets in Tommorowland
• Bruce pushing me in a wheelchair for 2/3 days so that my feet didn't die

On my wedding anniversary

Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me.

Carl Sandburg

Great talk

http://www.lds.org/liahona/2001/07/first-things-first

"First Things First" by Elder Richard G. Scott

Quote of the Day

Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right.

Ezra Taft Benson

What's been going on around these parts

Friday of last week was my last day of work. I turned in my laptop, got my final paycheck, and cleaned out my cubicle. My coworker Biju was kind enough to walk me to my car, but I admit that things like that make me a little weepy. It was good luck for everyone that I didn't start crying until I was alone in my car ;-)

In spite of such sentimentality and immediately spilling a shake on the carpet when I got home (which, as a friend pointed out, is frustrating because not only do you have to clean up a mess, but you're still hungry!), I felt great peace and was happy to go celebrate with Bruce that evening. Bruce found out on Friday that he had received a manager nominated bonus, so we felt we had a double celebration!

We went to Calafia Cafe in Palo Alto, which is my new favorite restaurant. It was founded by employee #58 / former executive chef at Google. Everything I've had there so far is delicious. mmm I think we will be going back on our anniversary...

It is such a blessing that Bruce is able to provide for us and that I don't have to continue working. I'm so grateful that he has such a fantastic job and that he loves it. Google is such a generous employer and we thank the Lord for that often. We are not fabulously wealthy or anything, but we feel that we are taken care of and that is a great feeling.

The other night we got a mailer with some local community class descriptions and Bruce started reading some of them aloud to me while I cooked dinner, suggesting that I register for some of them. It just warmed my heart that he is so committed to my happiness. He really is my best friend. (Okay, so one of the classes he was promoting was neck and back massage, so it wasn't entirely selfless... hehe...Unfortunately for him, I forgot to register for that class...)

Other than "The Magic of Watercolor" and "Thanksgiving Dinner" (the two classes I've registered for so far), I don't know a lot about what's in my future. It feels strange and is unlike me to not have a plan, but I know that I will learn a lot from taking this step and letting life unfold.

#8: Go Rock Climbing

Bruce and I went to Idaho a few weekends ago to visit my cute sister-in-law and her new husband. She found super cheap tickets on Allegiant for us, so we went!

We had a great trip! We arrived on Friday and departed on Monday (barely... we had an 8 hour delay).

On Saturday we visited Bruce's maternal grandparents in Pocatello, went by the old family homestead in Shelley, and went to Ririe reservoir to do a little outdoor rock climbing!

I was very excited as this has been on my bucket list, but also nervous as it was my first time indoor or outdoor. It took some coaching but I did it!

10 Rules for Behavior (Thomas Jefferson)

1. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today
2. Never trouble another for what you can do yourself
3. Never spend your money before you have it
4. Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will not be dear to you
5. Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst, and cold
6. We never repent of having eaten too little
7. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly
8. How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened
9. Take things always by the smooth handle
10. When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred

source here.

Quote of the Day

Conversion means to overcome the tendencies to criticize and to strive continually to improve inward weaknesses and not merely outward appearances.

Harold B. Lee

Quote of the Day

No lasting great personal heights are ever reached by those who step on others to try to push themselves upward.

Marvin J. Ashton

Quote of the Day

It is not the critic who counts; not the one who points out how the strong man stumbles or how the doer of great deeds might have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause who if he wins knows the triumph of great achievement; and who if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt

Quote of the Day

The most important part of planning should be done on your knees.

Ezra Taft Benson

Quote of the Day

God didn't say that a woman was to be taken from a bone in the man's head that she should rule over him, nor from a bone in his foot that she should be trampled under his feet, but from the bone in his side, to be his companion, his equal, and his helpmeet in all their lives together.

George Albert Smith

Our trip to San Diego & #63: Go Kayaking

On Independence Day this year Bruce and I drove down to San Diego for his old roommate Brian's wedding. Since Bruce had never been to San Diego before (outside of the airport) we decided to make it a mini-vacation.

We stayed in Ladera Ranch on Wednesday night with our friends Jeff and Meredith. We saw some of the best fireworks I've seen in recent years at the show their HOA put on. We reclined on blankets and watched fireworks overhead - just like the shows I went to as a kid at my grandpa Jack's house. I felt nostalgic and happy and Jeff's and Meredith's little boy Jude is so charming and curly-headed. Bruce and I both love him.

Thursday morning we finished the drive to San Diego and went for a barefoot hike at Torrey Pines. We played on the beach all morning: finding crabs, collecting cool shells for my nephews, and playing in the surf.

We crashed in our hotel in the afternoon. It wasn't until I went to Trader Joe's that I saw that we were directly across the freeway from the LDS temple!

My cousin Liz and her husband Dave hosted us for dinner at their home. We saw them about a year ago when we went to Mesa, but they have a new baby Fritz (Frederick Russell), so it was fun to meet him and admire how big their oldest, William, is getting. William and I played chase in the back yard and also played in his sand box (shaped like a giant red crab). We shared our addiction to chocolate covered sunflower seeds with them. It's my favorite host/hostess gift these days.

Friday we woke up early to go to breakfast (forgettable place, but right on the water, which is cool), and then went sea kayaking at La Jolla coves and shores. It was my first time and I love, love, loved it! I can't wait to kayak again! We were gone for a few hours, did a little snorkeling (except for Bruce - the mask couldn't suction to his face because of his beard. oops...). Tropical snorkeling is way cooler, so he didn't miss out on much, but I loved swimming in the caves and seeing bright orange fish. I also spotted a jellyfish just before a group of people swam into it, so pretty much I saved the day!

We then went to Con Pane at Liberty Station which was fantastic! We bought tons of bread and ate delicious sandwiches and got a cinnamon roll to go. I think our favorite loaf was the rosemary bread.

That evening was the reception for our friend Brian and his new wife Silvia. We reunited with old friends - many unexpectedly - and ate great food.

That night we went to see my other cousin who lives in San Diego (Del Mar). Bruce hadn't met this cousin and his family (I have 100+ first cousins, so that's not too surprising...) and we loved visiting with them.

Saturday we drove home after going to the San Diego temple to perform some sealings. We stopped in north LA (canyon country) to meet our friend / adopted cousin Benj's son Soren (also adorable) and to give Benj and his wife Meg hugs.

A great trip! I'm only sorry we didn't eat more Mexican food :)

#10: Donate to Locks of Love

On Wednesday I went to get my annual haircut and Sheri, who has cut my hair for 15 years, said my hair was long enough to donate to locks of love. Soooo we chopped it and I surprised Bruce :)

May and June 2012

So Bruce and I have been super busy so far this spring / summer! We went camping three times in May (with our church, with my sister's family to Yosemite, and just us in Big Sur). We had a great time! And just when we thought we would be having a low key Memorial Day my work threw a last minute request at me to go to London (!!!). They even offered to fly Bruce out and pay for his expenses, too. Clearly this was an offer we couldn't refuse, so we went early and enjoyed 3 days in Paris before spending 4 days in London.

So I guess my attempt to quit my job wasn't really very effective, was it? :) It's been nice to have more time to myself and I don't mind transitioning slowly out of working. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I keep working through the end of the year or even longer. We'll see!

This week I hosted a baby shower & Bruce just finished a major deadline at work (hooray!). Next week we're off to a girls / youth camp for our church (I'll be gone all week, Bruce will come for 2 days). After that I think I may be done camping for awhile...

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

I'm in the midst of reading this book and I want to mark several passages so that I can remember them. Hopefully some of you will like them as much as I do.


The following passages highlight Frankl's conclusions on finding meaning in life:

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. (page 75)

An active life serves the purpose of giving man the opportunity to realize values in creative work, while a passive life of enjoyment affords him the opportunity to obtain fulfillment in experiencing beauty, art, or nature. But there is also purpose in that life which is almost barren of both creation and enjoyment and which admits of but one possibility of high moral behavior: namely, in man's attitude to his existence, an existence restricted by external forces. A creative life and a life of enjoyment are banned to him. But not only his creativeness and enjoyment are meaningful. If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life cannot be complete. (page 76)

I once read a letter written by a young invalid, in which he told a friend that he had just found he would not live for long, that even an operation would be of no help. He wrote further that he remembered a film he had seen in which a man was portrayed who waited for death in a courageous and dignified way. The boy had thought it a great accomplishment to meet death so well. Now—he wrote—fate was offering him a similar chance. (page 77) 

Details of a particular man's inner greatness may ... come to [your] mind*, like the story of the young woman whose death I witnessed in a concentration camp. It is a simple story. There is little to tell and it may sound as if I had invented it: but to me it seems like a poem.

This young woman knew that she would die in the next few days. But when I talked to her she was cheerful in spite of this knowledge. "I am grateful that fate has hit me so hard," she told me. "In my former life I was spoiled and did not take spiritual accomplishments seriously." Pointing through the window of the hut, she said, "This tree here is the only friend I have in my loneliness." Through that window she could see just one branch of a chestnut tree, and on the branch were two blossoms. "I often talk to this tree," she said to me. I was startled and didn't quite know how to take her words. Was she delirious? Did she have occasional hallucinations? Anxiously I asked her if the tree replied. "Yes." What did it say to her? She answered, "It said to me, 'I am here—I am here—I am life, eternal life.'" 

 *One that comes to my mind is my dear friend Kate who faced long months of pain with dignity and faith until her eventual death.

I read this on the wall of my therapist's office in November

What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, remembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known because not looked for 
But heard, half heard, in the stillness
Between the two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(costing not less than everything)

T.S. Eliot